Stop!! Hammock Time

Bula!! Only 3 hours away from cold and wet New Zealand is a tropical paradise, when the airplane door opened it was like opening an oven, the heat just engulfed me and this was at 20:00 and in their winter which was considerably different from NZ but this is the reason I am having a ‘holiday from my holiday’. Arriving at night is not the best time to get to a new country as you can not get your bearings also it is never good to arrive at night and walk around, lucky for me I had arranged to stay at a native families house and they picked me up from the airport.

Save and his family were very warm and welcoming, it was quite humbling to see where they were living most of them sleep on the floor but they gave up their bed for me. I got to share breakfast and dinner with them in authentic Fijian style, breakfast consisted of a fresh mango from their tree and some coconut dumplings, dinner was so far out of my comfort zone that I could do nothing else but close the eyes and eat and to my surprise it was really tasty. Save took me on a trek of his local mountain where we also collected firewood for our last night where we would have a traditional Fijian party where food would be cooked in a lobo (oven underground using hot rocks). The next day we headed down to the market to pick up some items for this night, like lamb neck, chicken and veggies and these were all cooked in this traditional way. After dinner we had a traditional drinking ceremony where we would consume the national drink of Cava which is basically water mixed with a root of a plant, it sort of looks like muddy clay water and pretty much tastes like it too. Upon receiving the first cup you have to clap once and say Bula (Hello, Hi) drink it in one then clap 3 times as appreciation, the hardest thing is not pulling a ‘lemon face’ as it is going down as it really is vile, I may bring some of this back for you all to try. The locals say if you have not drunk this you have not come to Fiji, it is not alcoholic but it does have some narcotic tendencies with the locals drinking it after a hard days work to relax them, me it just made my tongue furry and then my mouth go numb……give me a beer any day! The beer here comes in two sorts, Fiji Beer or Fiji Bitter both of which are quite tasty, my first taste was when I drunk all the Fiji Beer on the flight out here, the turbulence was some of the worst and I needed a massive amount of booze to put me at ease.

Save lives 45mins from town so it was time to jump on a local bus and hit the town, the local buses are decorated in different colours and have no windows while the locals put on classic hits from Katy Perry or Shakira blaring from the bus thus I nicknamed it the Venga bus! Once on the bus I got to see what the landscape and scenery was like and it blew my mind so tropical and so green with mountains in the background, it reminded me a lot of Goa in India especially as there is quite a big Hindi community. Nadi town is quite dirty which also reminded me of India and there a lot of touts trying to coax you into their shop, they even have the people who ask your name then quickly carve it in to a wooden sculpture so you then have to buy it…….I know all too well not to fool for that old trick, they also get you into the shop and give you drinks then you feel obliged to buy their overpriced shit! The main reason I came to Nadi was to see the Swami Hindu temple, lucky for me I did not consume alcohol or meat so I was allowed in, not that would have known if I had a bacon McMuffin meal washed down with a Fiji Bitter. The temple reminded me of Joseph and his technicoloured dream coat as it was painted in all elaborate colours, almost like Elton John’s summer house.




The new friends I met in NZ then spent two weeks in Fiji were great, upon first meeting them I figured it would be hard to break into their group as they are three friends from back home but to my surprise it was the complete opposite, they engulfed me into their group and since have become firm friends even becoming part of their ‘banter’. Hats off to you guys! It is with these guys I travelled the majority of Fiji with.


The mainland, Nadi in particular is quite boring the real Fiji is all about the 300+ islands that rest in the Pacific ocean and to explore all these you would need 6+ months and a bank balance similar to Beckhams so I choose to go to just one instead of island hoping, we choose to spend just under a week on Mana Island where the girls are easy and the boys are sleazy, well according to the song they are. As you can imagine the island was all about white sands, crystal clear Azure Ocean and gorgeous sunsets, as they say a picture tells a thousand words so start to get jealous.







There were some pitfalls to this island paradise, the hostel we stayed at was one of the worst and over priced that I have ever stayed in, simple luxuries like light bulbs and locks on doors were not present, luckily we got a great price often $20 cheaper per night than the other guests due to my couch surfing, knowing the locals has paid off. Our block had 2 showers but only one shower head between them and one lock on the door and one light bulb, if you put it all together you would have had one reasonably functioning shower, so showers in the dark were taken. The beds often had bed bugs with one couple having to boil all their belongings to rid the pesky mites, our dorm had a resident mouse minus clogs and also a puppy who had adopted a 5 year old kid (5 is said with a hint of disbelief) as his keeper however this dog was overrun with fleas and tics and when he chucked (literally) the pup out of his room it would come into our dorm crying and wailing all night and as the door to our dorm didn’t shut (surprise) sleep was a luxury that many of us did not get. Pillow cases were often stained with blood so Bear Grylls training kicked in and pillow cases were improvised from t-shirts.


This pesky kid who I was adamant was older than the 5 years old his mum and him had rehearsed, he was more like 8 spending 2 years travelling with his weird Austrian Mum, I’m quite sure a number of these years growing up were spent with a pack of wild dogs or an animal of that nature as he mainly communicated in grunts and growls! This leads me into one night that Tom decided to drink too much and upon hearing my story of the guy in Goa who became the alpha male to a pack of dogs, when drunk he tried to roam round with the flea ridden dogs mentioned above on all fours scaring off other dogs imitating the moves they made, also this night he stole 2 lemons and a phone from some French matey which was swiftly given back to him but as he couldn’t remember any of this the next morning it didn’t phase him also the person was French so it didn’t really matter. The nights were quite quiet so card games with a few beers every night but to our delight a group of fun loving girls turned up and even though me and Rob wanted to carry on our poker games we had to be social. We had three nights with the girls and to be fair I could not be bothered drinking although I did have one night where 6 long necks were drunk (equivalent of 9 pints or 15 stubbies) and in the morning I awoke to a colossal hangover and toothpaste on my toe nails, courtesy of the Irish. Bloody amateurs!

The food comes inclusive with the price and was Fijian which for the first few days was a nice novelty but soon after that ‘grace’ period it became repetitive……….fish curry, chicken bone curry, rice and cabbage every day, me and the lads from Farnborough (see previous blog) often saw mirages on the horizon coming in the form of KFC and Burger King, we spent days dreaming of mashed potato with steak and all other non-Fijian foods, in the end we were salivating more than a stray dog in a butchers shop.

There are no cash machines on the island so you need to take the money that you need but some people make trips to the main land when they run out and want to stay, the Irish guys had made two such trips and when they came round asking if we wanted anything from the mainland it gave me a twinge of the Beach staring Leo DiCaprio. One thing I did miss was the internet; a week without knowing football scores or Facebook updates was killing me!

When leaving the Mana resort we received a goodbye song and I realised at that point that the Fijian people are some of the most friendly that I have met, you get the odd few who want to sell you trinkets and stuff but in general they are generally pleased to see you, on the resort they learned all our names and continued to remember throughout the trip!

I had to sing my own goodbye song when I had to say goodbye to the Farnborough lads when they left today, it sort of went ‘Thank f*ck you’ve gone no bum this place is much better now’, I’m only kidding but since they left and I only have a few days in this part of the world so I’m in no mood to talk to people and make friends so I guess I will save it till South America.

The last 4 days I decided to venture to the Coral Coast on the south side of Viti Levu where I stayed in one of the best hostels I have ever been to. This hostel/resort was the place where they filmed the TV show ‘Love Island’ (not celebrity) and the rooms and resort were immaculate the walls of our rooms were bamboo weaving and the roofs are thatched with palm leaves, activities are organised every day where I tried the jungle trek through to the Savu Na Mate waterfall in flip flops! The trek was pretty easy as treks go and the waterfall was not spectacular as like sunsets and temples I have seen a fair few now and it generally has to be out of this world to amaze me now. After the trek I booked a body massage and true to form it was another different massage, why can’t they just be normal? This time I informed the masseuse that I have some coral stuck in my foot and to leave that part but she insisted on removing it and using jungle remedies to heal it…….I think it may be worse now so expect to hear about a trip to the hospital in Chile. The bus back to town made me realise how beautiful the coral coast is and how un-bothered the Fijians are about their commute to work, I have my mouth wide open gawping at the coast line and jungle mouthing the word WOW to the Fijian person next to me, if my commute was along a white sand beach with turquoise water with tropical jungle in the background and the sun beating down I would go to work with a smile on my face.

Where I have been travelling for quite some time now people always ask me the same question ‘Where is the best place you have been?’ To answer that is impossible it’s like asking a tramp whether he prefers Super Tenants or Special Brew so I can’t always give an answer, but if people insist I always say Vietnam.

I will leave you with this quote that sums up travelling:

“Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry, and narrow-mindedness.”

The Return Of The Bling

See link for best bits of NZ

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2s2RqrZTsFM

So having bypassed Christchurch due to the Earthquake which took 12 long hours on a cramp coach we hit Kaikorra. We did drive through Christchurch and got to see some of the devastation which was sporadic at best, only the really old buildings suffered damage and it ranged from whole sides of buildings collapsing to chimney stacks cracking but it’s the aftershocks that people are worried about, they are very frequent and can be as just as strong, reports differ to how long these aftershocks will last, they range from 2 weeks to months in some cases. As I have already been to Kaikorra on this route I was not too bothered about staying just the night there and getting there really late we didn’t have much choice but to go to bed. The next morning we headed up to Picton so we could get the ferry through Queen Charlotte Sound across the strait on to the North Island. The Ferry took 3 hours, luckily enough the bar served some over priced beer and they were screening good ole ‘Cash In The Attic’ on the tube, that reminds me is David Dickinson getting browner, he looks like a mahogany cabinet or a house fire victim.

We have at last got to the capital of New Zealand (Wellington) where we would spend the next 3 days, once in the dorm it was bags off and unloaded into any corner of the room you could find. The next day we decided to hit the museum (see below) and climb up Mt Victoria which was one of the first filming locations in Lord Of The Rings, the scene where Frodo and company leave the shire and the Nasgals are on the path looking for them, the climb up the mountain was in one word difficult which has not put my mind at ease about my upcoming 4 day trek in Peru but in true London fashion I claimed I will be alright on the night. Taking advantage of lay ins (non travel days) is paramount so we did have a big night out in Wellington in the Base bar where many a Jaegar bomb was consumed. The last night before we continue our jounrney North the guys and I ventured to the cinema on our last day and we saw The Expendables which in one word SHOCKING or two words shockingly shit.

Te papa museum is the main museum in Wellington and in one word - AMAZING, and it was free, it is basically 6 floors of full grown interactive features where you can experience an earthquake or go on rides that will make you feel first hand what its like to be in a rugby tackle or to dune surf. Upon leaving one of the rides we found they also had an interactive wall where you could make a video or take a picture of yourself and then transfer it to the wall where with a torch like wand move it around and play with your picture. Te Papa is the only museum in the world to have a colossal squid, it was caught off Antarctica by a fishing boat who then donated it to the scientists at TP where all manor of tests took place, it is now proudly on display but rather than looking like a squid I could quite as easily had been in an underground lab at Area 51 as it has this alien look about it, or if Dec was there it could have been Ant and Dec on a game show. The squid is over 4 meters long and has eyes the size of basketballs with hooks embedded in its suckers, once again I got my photos then explored the rest of the museum, all 6 floors of it.

Again back on the big green bus to Taupo which is the cheapest place in the world to do a skydive, about half the price of what I paid but less the scenery of the Fox Glacier. Taupo is 600 years overdue a volcanic eruption and considering the luck we have had in NZ I was quite surprised when this did not happen. Taupo is well known for its natural springs which just come out the ground but as it was raining and 40 mins away I had to give this a miss, instead we went to the pub where my last quite night in with the guys turned into a full blown session when an Auckland rugby club turned up and invited us out……..cue massive hangover the next day getting up at stupid O’clock to catch the bus.

From Taupo we headed North to Rotorua which is also known as Rotten-Rua or Smelly Rua and this is because this is one of the most thermo active areas in the world, dig a hole and you will realease steam and hot water, the locals before a law was enforeced enjoyed no heating or electricity bills due to this the phenomena until they used all the thermo activity, a law was swiftly introduced and this thermo activity has regained its potency. This is why the hole area smells like rotten egg due to the sulphur, don’t worry I have taken great advantage of this as I do not need to feel embarresed about farting or shitting my pants in public as no one would be able to tell the difference so farting was a done thing in this town, the smell penetrates even closed bars and rooms, constantly checking to see if I had trod in dog doo. So with my prolonged farting in public I slowly realised this is how a tramp (homeless person) would feel, no embaressment when defecating his self….I could grow to like this town.

During the first evening we booked to go on a traditional Maori evening where we got to see how the Maori’s lived and accepted people into their villages, we got to witness the village and the famous Haka which the Maori performed before battle to scare and intimidate their opponents, now the All Blacks National Rugby Team use this before their matches to intimidate the opposition. When at this show 3 chiefs had to be nominated and had to present gifts to the Maori chief but most importantly they have to be stern faced as it is seen as an act of defience, well I think I would of lasted 15 seconds after he starts sticking his tounge out and waving his stick at the chiefs feet. Upon seeing the displays we learned Maori words and sayings; The indigenous Māori language name for New Zealand is Aotearoa, commonly translated as The Land of the Long White Cloud.
The evening was completed with an all you can eat buffet which I took advantage of.

The next day I had plans of grandeur, white water rafting, zorbing, caving but unfortunately the weather was heavy rain so it was time to hit the hot tub and chill out.

The last few days have been spent hanging out with three 21 year olds who to be fair are great company but they did seem to think that 27 was too old and I was past it, well I showed them, admittedly I suffered more in the morning but I showed that I was still in the prime of my life.

Auckland………….mmmm as every Kiwi will tell you its pretty crap, even the people who lived here had to lie to me about living here then stand me up when they were meant to take me around the city. Get in get out as quickly as possible!

I have spent 4 weeks in NZ and now it is time to say goodbye, goodbye to the people I have met and to the country that has fast become the prettiest of my travels. NZ is a striking place that even now astounds me when I look at the pictures, every picture looking like the scenery is CGI from some Hollywood film and it goes to show why Peter Jackson uses his home country in all his films. I have called this the prettiest country I have been to but I don’t think it is the best as it does not have that certain something that the Asian countries have. I was going to say wow factor but NZ’s scenery produces that wow factor every time you see those snow topped mountains, its main problem is that it is too Westernised, you can get similar scenery in South America but there you will have Llamas and colourful people around to make it that bit more special.

What I like about NZ is that like Australia it can be quite sparse but unlike Australia its small enough so you can navigate it without a 40 hour car journey so to me this is the best of both worlds. The Maori who are indigenous to this country are well respected and looked up to where as in Australia the aboriginals are seen as second class citizens so with that I am going to put New Zealand ahead of Australia, I know this will upset a lot of my Aussie friends and fuel the great Aussie vs. New Zealand debate but this place is seriously cool, where else in the world can you bungee, skydive, jet boat, white-water raft, backwater raft, cave dive, ski, all in the same place for the least amount of money? Where else in the world do you have the most stunning scenery all over the country?

Trying to think of some negative stuff to say about this land but I honestly am having trouble, the locals are very friendly maybe over friendly and very interested in where you have come from and where you are going, its cheaper than Australia, I can imagine in the Summer that NZ gets very very busy which would be worse as the hostels and buses would be packed and you would have to plan your trip more finely instead of just going with the flow. I have thought of something now, there are too many British and it is too Western but I knew this would be the case before I arrived.

So there you have it my time in NZ has come to an end, just in Auckland tying up loose ends trying to get things done, off to Fiji for a few weeks before the big trip to South America where I will be making my way home…….sob sob cry cry. So I will leave you with one phrase that sums up New Zealand:



Don’t Dream It Extreme It

The Two Tragedies

Below was my original opening to this blog but since recent events I have decided to add some words for the people who tragically died in Fox on the skydive, they were brave enough to put their name down for the skydive and it ultimately ended their lives………my heart goes out to them and their families. The plane that crashed upon takeoff was the same plane I boarded but a week earlier with the same instructors who also lost their lives. On the same day the biggest Earthquake that NZ has seen ripped through Christchurch decimating the CBD leaving the town without electricity, water and sewage facilities, again heart goes out to all the people affected by this, I am currently on the bus heading to Christchurch but will go all the way through to Kaikorra again due to their being no where to stay.



So reading my blog and seeing my pictures you probably think that travelling the world is all fun, sun, women and sangria…….well it is but there is a flip side to having the time of you life, it can be painful when you meet people who you really adore then they have to move on knowing that it is all likely that you will never see that person again. With the splitting of The Fellowship of the Kiwi bus it has given me the hardest goodbye so far, and when I say hard I mean I would of done anything in my power to keep this person with me but unfortunately she like me has a plan and has to stick to it, but this is one where I will go out of my way to see this person and it could be worse but Liverpool is not too far. So the last few days of being in Queenstown were quite sad and gloomy and not in the mood for anything but that is the story of meeting girls when you are travelling its not like meeting people in the real world its completely different and until now I have been very good at keeping feelings at bay but there is that time you meet someone who makes a huge impression on you and this is how you feel, it is gut wrenching and heartbreaking, it is so hard when they leave and that morning was the worst so far, it was a bit rushed as the night before was heavy and the morning was hurried it seemed like it went so quick it was over in a flash. Being the gentleman that I am I helped her take her 50+ kilos of clothes from Nomads to Base (5 min walk) then saw her off as the bus drove off, there was another guy like me Pearson who also had to see someone off but he took it a bit too seriously and started laying by the front wheels of the coach so she could not leave, that was a joke but I’m not far from the truth on that one. So this is how I am feeling now at the time of writting….and that is enough of that.






So got that off my chest now down to the who, what, why and when. Queenstown is a ski resort and winter time is big business here, people walk the streets all in their snow boarding gear carrying around their ski’s or snowboard a which makes a change from Australia where everybody walks around with a surf board. I almost want to gear up like in Dumb And Dumber and cruise the town looking like I can ski. Drinking and nightlife comes hand in hand with a ski resort and Queenstown at night is a hive of activity with pub crawls to Jaeger trains being organised by all he bars and hostels, it’s a hard place to leave as people get sucked into the whole nightlife vibe going on here, every night is like a Saturday night back home, even Mondays are potent. Ferg Burger (Or Fergern Bergern as Jen called it) is a famous burger house in the middle of Queenstown where everybody flocks to pre and post drunk and being open till 0400 helps the masses get sustenance after a night out. So far I have resisted the urge to Ferg up despite the cries from the rest of the people claiming it is the best burger they have ever tasted.

Queenstown is the birthplace of the bungee jump and on the bus we had a lady who works for AJ Hackett (Inventor and owner of Bungee jumping) and she organised a jump for Kris who was so petrified that at the weigh in he was dry retching and even after completing the tandem jump with Kate he walked towards us like an extra from Shawn Of The Dead who couldn’t talk for an hour after that, even looking at his pictures and film we had a suspicion that he passed out when he got on the boat, I never have seen anyone so terrified in my whole life, it was like that scene in The Blair Witch Project…….I just hope he has a great dry cleaner. I have decided against doing any bungee jumps but if I was going to do one I would do the Nevis, 134 meters high and 8.5 seconds of freefall but at $250 I am going to give it a miss.

To break up the constant drinking that was occurring in Queenstown and detoxify our livers we decided to rent a car and head around the bottom of New Zealand, the car was a Nissan Sunny that was about as potent as a Eunuch especially when compared to the 4.0 litre beast (Lemiwinks) that I roamed around Australia in, downgrading a car is like getting a demotion at work I was back at the bottom of the food group with old ladies overtaking me as the car could barley hit 60mph and when you could get it faster i.e. downhill with a head wind I thought the wheels were about to fall off.

The scenery as we left QT was truly spectacular and is everything you could imagine, it is just like watching Lord Of The Rings (filmed in NZ) with everything having a backdrop of snow covered mountains with the rolling green hills looking like the Teletubbies native land but on steroids as everything in NZ is big……..even the bumble bees. Like the weather the scenery can change dramatically with all 4 seasons being seen on one day the scenery can change from snow topped mountains to grassland to lakes that reflect the landscape like a mirror.

On a funny note one of the people travelling with us on the road trip I can not for the life remember her name and every time I want to speak have to hope to gain eye contact from the driver seat, as a rule if it has passed 2 days after knowing someone it is the height of rudeness to ask their name, im hoping that one of the others will tell me……………..alas they have, Elener……..I probably will forget this in a few hours, I did.

The first stop was Dunedin which was a pretty town that reminded me a lot of Adelaide as the place was full of churches, after walking around town we headed back and in the morning we visited the worlds most steepest road that at its steepest point goes 1 in 2.86 and let me tell you it is steep, cars that attempted it left a stench of burning clutch plate and ground brakes, we were told by some locals how juveniles will always launch tires, wheelie bins and anything that will slide down the hill to the annoyance of the residents. After walking up and down we drove to the peninsula and took the high road (Which we were warned it was dangerous) but really it was just a really bendy road that had a few hundred foot drop but it was nothing compared to how Joe local made it out to be. The way back we took the low road which was just as windy but less the 200 foot drop.

The weather around the bottom end was completely different to Queenstown, the wind coming from the Artic could cut through an unlimited amount of layers and this is what we found in Invercargile.

Our next stop was for the Caitlins for walks but the weather was not with us so we drove and drove until someone made a descion and we stopped off in a town and a lady at the local store told us how she owns her own backpackers…….cue jokes about being murdered, raped and tortured, these jokes got less and less funny as we headed further and further into the wilderness through the bush over unsealed roads (cue rally style slide), finely we arrived there and the place looked like I should be writing a book there, go insane, take a shower, rub the lotion into its skin and hangout with Scatman Crothers in the hedge maze after having dinner with Norman Bates mother in the attic…………..hold on who is that standing outside my door, oh it’s the manage…..ljdifjsnllssfsghsfsldlsl