Where the f*&k is Alice Springs

To make driving around Australia more economic I need to load the car out with people and then I need to sell it for as near as I have spent on it as possible, the cost of a bus ticket to do the route I have planned would be over $3000 so hopefully I will win! This brings me to the second leg of my journey from Cairns to Alice Springs then North to Darwin, I needed to get as many people in the car as possible well not like a world record attempt 18 people in a car but 3 other people so to split the cost of the fuel etc, I added a advert on line and after a few tweaks on the advert people were lining up to join my on my epic adventure and this posed a new experience…having to say yes to people and no to others it was pretty easy really the better looking you are the more likely you will get a place in the car, I did hope for another guy to balance it out but only one fit the bill and he couldn’t leave until later in April so it was sorted three women, Belgium, Canada and German this was going to be shit or bust as women are notorious for not getting along with each other but so far so good.

The first point on the map to get to was Normanton which was 8 hours away and still not out of the state of Queensland, we arrived there on a public holiday and again 95% of everything was closed EVEN THE PUBS im starting to think the Australians don’t want to work on these holidays, imagine England with people not working on public holidays the country would grind to a halt like when 2 inches of snow falls! Upon finding somewhere to stay it seems the closer you get to the centre the more brainless you get as simple questions like asking a caravan park if they have kitchen facilities so we can cook gained me a look like I had just spoken Cantonese with my pants round my ankles…..”There is a restaurant which is closed” was the answers so I gave up pretty quickly hoping she would have some knowledge of the surrounding area so it was pretty much go to bed!

The next day of driving was only 6 hours and when I say 6 hours I mean 6 hours of the most boring driving ever, the road is straight and there is nothing for miles but things do get interesting like when we see 2 cars in a row or when we have to over take a road train. A road train for those not in the know are 50-60 meter trucks that drive the length of the country transporting goods and they take over 1 km to stop! 6 hours to Mount Isa and this was a bigger town than Normanton mainly due to the immense mine there. Factoid for you the Mayor got in trouble for inviting ‘beauty disadvantaged’ women to come and live here to take advantage of the majority male population. We hit a problem here as did every other backpacker who was driving as the dorms were full with people trying to get there car fixed…..yes the car had a problem when driving it was wobbling my worst fears set in when I tried to jack the car up for the body to go up but the wheel didn’t PLEASE DON’T LET THE SUSPENSION BE BROKE was my prayer to Zeus’s beard but I jacked it on the leaf spring and found that the wheel was not round so time for my first tyre change now im waiting for Darwin so I can get a cheaper spare but all fine now!

Next day I had another good drive another 7 hours of nothing but least we crossed into a new state Northern Territories and this time Tennant Creek was the stop and we had been warned about this place that it was not safe to be walking around at night and maybe even in the day, I had also been warned to hide my jerry can of fuel and even put Diesel stickers on my fuel cap as the residents will try and steal my fuel. This brings me to another observation, the closer you get to the centre the less white people there are the more aboriginals there are and I would like to say that some of them shout and abuse you walking down the street and I have even been warned that if they walk in the middle of the road to head straight for them as if you stop they will rob you. I would like to say that some of them especially the larger women variety do look like Gorillas so much so if there was a mist I would have likened myself to Sigourney Weaver in ‘Gorillas in the Mist’. The white population in the centre also start to get different they get weirder like scary weird I can see why they don’t live on the coast as they probably would be in prison as most of them remind me of characters such as Fred West, Ian Huntley and Harold Shipman as they all have that look of a serial killer. Apologies to anyone offended if you live in the centre but these are only my observations of who I had met.

Next day 6 hours of driving but woo hoo there was something to see on the way, the Devils Marbles cue joke about the Devil being brain-dead anyway this was a section of outback with large boulders scattered in random formations as if they had been thrown down by the Gods themselves, I have actually seen something like this before in a place called Hampi in India, we spent a good hour taking pictures but had to leave when I saw a spider with an abdomen the size of an egg and fangs the size of tooth picks so I retreated to the relative safety of the car. We made it to Alice Springs the nearest town to Uluru (Ayres Rock) where we will set about on a 3 day tour sleeping under the stars in the outback and having a sing song around the campfire. As a side note I am undertaking a personal challenge of not having my haircut for 6 months so far been 3 months nearly got to tramp city but not yet but will do the beard whilst in South America so that I look poor!

1st night in Alice Springs we had someone try and break into the room whilst we were there so heres hoping the car will still be there once I come back.....