I Passed The Human Kind Test....Would You?

So my South American trip is over but with the ending of one adventure starts another so I find myself on a sail boat heading from Colombia to Panama via the San Blas islands.

Before I tell you what happened I would like to give you a rundown of what South America was for me:

This has been one of the best continents that I have travelled having seen the most rewarding sights and meeting some of the best people I have ever had the pleasure of travelling with. Travelling here is difficult and sometimes stressful but that is what makes this place wonderful to travel, the locals are always very interested and friendly its just a shame that I can not speak enough Spanish to have a more gratifying conversation with the locals. South America is the type of place where you can spend six months or two years. I am not sure how I will cope without Llamas in my life and I am hoping one day I can have one as a pet as they are the nicest animals and they even look cute when they get older. A llama is not just for Christmas…..! Kids will not get rid of these animals as they become more useful when older and still stay cute, they can mow the lawn, spit at hated neighbours, make great jumpers and dare I say it if you do get tired of them they make a great meal.

One of the main highlights is the complete diversity this continent has to offer; you have enormous mountain ranges sweeping through the country, active volcanoes to Amazonian jungle and desert and sometimes you have all this in just one country, so without any ado below is what you really want to know.

Best Women -

1. Chile
2. Argentina
3. Brazil
4. Colombia
5. Uruguay
6. Paraguay
7. Peru
8. Bolivia

Best Beers

1. Peru
2. Bolivia

Favourite country – Bolivia

Worst country - Chile

Best Food – Argentina

Worst food – Bolivia

Worst meal – Lasagne in Uyunni. It was salt with pasta

Best meal – Trout Coppacabana Bolivia, whoda known trout topped with bacon and cheese would be so good

Best Nightlife – La Paz (Bolivia)

Favourite city – Sucre Bolivia

Favourite activity – Horse ridding in Tupiza Bolivia

Least favourite city – Montevideo Uruguay

Favourite Inca Ruin – Matchu Pittchu

Cheapest hostel - £2 Copacabanna Boliva

Most expensive hostel - £15 Paraty Brazil

Total number of times robbed, harassed or threatened – 0 (1 attempt epic fail)

Least tourism – Paraguay

Friendliest Country – Paraguay

Best looking native girl – Catalina (Arica Chile)

Favourite person I met – Jane

See my best bits at the following link on youtube - copy and paste on your address bar!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DhllitMQCBs


Getting back to my trip to Central America, yes it was a French boat and yes it had French people, there were seven paying customers on the boat two French, One American, me and two Finnish girls then there was the captain his friend, wife and eight month old son. The captain and posse were amazing but the paying French were beyond difficult. Can you imagine a person paying to sail to some of the most beautiful islands in the world crossing some of the roughest seas but not wanting to get wet? Well this was the French girls plan so I was rewarded with the pleasure of seeing her get wet and consequently angry. You may think of me as evil or nasty and I have considered this myself but if you ever travel with French people then you will understand. That said I will try not to mention the French in a bad light again……emphasis on the word ‘try’.

Yes the trip was rough going 30 hours of sailing through day and night before we reached our goal of the San Blas islands but once we were there it was jaw dropingly beautiful. Never before have I seen a desert island more Robinson Crusoe and bear in mind that I have been to Fiji. These Islands made Fiji look like Blackpool Pleasure Beach, some islands were no bigger than ten Asda car parking spaces loaded with palm trees. Snorkelling the treacherous swells around the islands was fun as many of the islands had old sunken ships that have turned into man made coral reefs.

I only had one day in Panama City before I would head off to Costa Rica where again I would only have one night, mainly because these places are not offering me value for money as they are both (especially CR) very Americanised and you can tell this with the prices of basics so I am heading straight for Nicaragua with a one night stopover in San Jose in Costa Rica.

Whilst in the Panama City bus station a man wished Gods praise on me and within sixty seconds he was coming over begging for money saying that he has no where to sleep, no money, same clothes and he hasn’t washed then like a lightening bolt it struck me that I actually look worse than him so I took this opportunity to tell him that:

1. Have a month old beard
2. I have not showered for over five days
3. I have not worn underwear since I can remember my last wash
4. I have not washed my clothes since I can remember
5. I have not slept in a bed for six nights (I included the one on the bus im taking)
6. I have not seen a Llama for months now and
7. My armpits could chloroform a grown man

I gave him $1.

As I am writing this another chap (American) sits next to me who has had all his major possessions stolen from him, I am not sure if this is a ploy to get money from me but he is putting on a good show with phone calls and other little tale tell signs. Actually I think this is real or a bloody elaborate con. I felt very bad for him either way so I gave him $50 and the ability to pay me back so let’s see if the human race is worth saving. So James from Chicago I give you one month from this point to make contact or pay me back as said. If it was a con then I hope he gets what is deserved – Cancer, AIDS, accidental sex change, some disease even Dr House does not know or Jane’s favourite a boil on the bum, actually scratch Jane’s idea. For kindness beyond the call of duty I expect a Euro Lotto win or maybe a massive win in Vegas but nothing less than five and the bonus ball please Mystic Meg.

I do feel pretty good about myself albeit peppered with a slight concern that I have been tricked which if it is the case its going to mean payback!

Still not left the bus station but on the bus waiting to depart I am not safe from people wanting my money, a man comes aboard and starts talking Spanish and then gets his belly out, from my seat at the back near the WC I can not make out what it is until he comes up closer and shows us why he wants money, I would of paid $1 not to be shown that sort of thing especially after my McDonalds meal with McFlurry. Imagine Total Recall and the stomache baby thing crossed between a tumour crossed between someone putting objects under the skin protruding. I did tell him that I had already given out $51 dollars worth of chairity in the last hour but he didn’t believe me and then procided to tell the bus that the gringo didn’t pay.

That was Panama folks

Sail Away

I arrived in Manizales on Australia Day (Invasion day) where the festivities were in full swing however for a long time now I have not been interested in drinking so I took no part in celebrating when James Cook discovered Sydney harbour. Manizales is situated on a hill and to ease the local’s journeys they have one of the most unique types of public transport I have ever seen, they have a cable car making the journey up and down the hill and at only 1400 peso’s its very cheap.
I am getting to the point in my travels where most of the activities/sights associated with a certain place I have done before so when people ask have you not done a coffee tour here? I reply I was on a coffee farm in Vietnam, why do it twice? Manizales has hot springs and is famous for its active volcano that is actually showing seismic activity thus not allowing people to hike it. Again both these activities I have done before in other places.
I left Manizales heading to Medellin which took 6 hours, I felt as fresh as a daisy but some of the other occupants were not so well having consumed too much alcohol celebrating the night before thus requiring frequent stops to allow them to be sick.
My family will be please to know that Medellín was once known as the most violent city in the world, and in 2010 it has the highest increase in violence of Colombia's urban centers. This unenviable title was the result of an urban war set off by the drug cartels at the end of the 1980s. As the home of the Medellín Cartel funded by Pablo Escobar, the city was victim of the terror caused by the war between the organization headed by Escobar, and competing organizations such "El Cartel del Valle". However, after the death of Escobar, the crime rates in the city began to decrease.
I decided to stay at a ‘party hostel’ but soon I was eager to leave after meeting some of the people staying there, many of them having not left the hostel with one guy in particular this guy called Cali from California being there for a month eating, sleeping and drinking there and has not even left the hostel. One nights drinking there was enough for me and as soon as the sun came up the next day I paid my bill and left for a smaller family run hostel. I went around the city where again I was greeted with the usual churches however I ventured into one of the art museums and found a wing with the works of Colombian artist Fernando Botero which were quite amusing. Botero’s art and sculpture features only fat people.
The bus to Santa Marta took 16 hours and when I arrived opening the door of the coach it was like opening an oven. My main reason for coming to Santa Marta was to go on the five day trek of Ciudad Perdida known in English as the Lost City. The trek was a lot harder than the Inca as the path was a lot rougher and there are so many steep uphill battles to negotiate whilst you are in one of the hottest jungles in the world. In my group I had two Americans and they have installed my faith back into the people of that country so only France now to reedmen themselves but imp not holding my breath.
Mike from LA was one of the coolest and humblest guys I have ever met if you want to see him check out on you tube the Kelly Clarkson video ‘Never Again’ where he plays the male lead.
I don’t think the trek is anywhere in the same league as the Inca trek but it was nice to do it and see the lost city. The end city is a lot rawer than M pitchu as the ruins have not been cleaned up but left as they were found so moss and grass are growing out of cracks in the buildings.
One of the most amusing parts of the trek was when Brian the second American decided to vine swing across one of the many river crossings to which he failed in an epic way luckily it was caught all on film edited and posted onto YouTube where you can view it in all its glory
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vc_cTYS-GS4
I met up with Brian and Mike in Cartagena for Super Bowl Sunday where the night was long and fun fuelled. Unfortunately I had to get up at 0800 the next day to go to Playa Blanca but luckily I was still dressed from the night before and packed so it was not too hard. Playa Blanca was nice but only for a night as they do not have electricity or running water so we felt that we didn’t want to stay that long.
I think many people expect too much from their travels. They believe, or at least hope; it will change them in profound ways or provide a magical escape that will solve all upon return. That's a lot of pressure to put on what is essentially just a prolonged holiday and I feel a lot of travellers are jaded in this respect. Character change takes a lot more than 5+ months in South America. Escapes are only temporary. I too had these lofty expectations but now I realise that these journeys are more about the adventure itself and less about you. We chase wealth, fame, and power, but I think all we really need is to chase adventure. Maybe we all just need to get out a little bit more.
Off on a sail boat now to Panama

See you all in Central America!