I Passed The Human Kind Test....Would You?

So my South American trip is over but with the ending of one adventure starts another so I find myself on a sail boat heading from Colombia to Panama via the San Blas islands.

Before I tell you what happened I would like to give you a rundown of what South America was for me:

This has been one of the best continents that I have travelled having seen the most rewarding sights and meeting some of the best people I have ever had the pleasure of travelling with. Travelling here is difficult and sometimes stressful but that is what makes this place wonderful to travel, the locals are always very interested and friendly its just a shame that I can not speak enough Spanish to have a more gratifying conversation with the locals. South America is the type of place where you can spend six months or two years. I am not sure how I will cope without Llamas in my life and I am hoping one day I can have one as a pet as they are the nicest animals and they even look cute when they get older. A llama is not just for Christmas…..! Kids will not get rid of these animals as they become more useful when older and still stay cute, they can mow the lawn, spit at hated neighbours, make great jumpers and dare I say it if you do get tired of them they make a great meal.

One of the main highlights is the complete diversity this continent has to offer; you have enormous mountain ranges sweeping through the country, active volcanoes to Amazonian jungle and desert and sometimes you have all this in just one country, so without any ado below is what you really want to know.

Best Women -

1. Chile
2. Argentina
3. Brazil
4. Colombia
5. Uruguay
6. Paraguay
7. Peru
8. Bolivia

Best Beers

1. Peru
2. Bolivia

Favourite country – Bolivia

Worst country - Chile

Best Food – Argentina

Worst food – Bolivia

Worst meal – Lasagne in Uyunni. It was salt with pasta

Best meal – Trout Coppacabana Bolivia, whoda known trout topped with bacon and cheese would be so good

Best Nightlife – La Paz (Bolivia)

Favourite city – Sucre Bolivia

Favourite activity – Horse ridding in Tupiza Bolivia

Least favourite city – Montevideo Uruguay

Favourite Inca Ruin – Matchu Pittchu

Cheapest hostel - £2 Copacabanna Boliva

Most expensive hostel - £15 Paraty Brazil

Total number of times robbed, harassed or threatened – 0 (1 attempt epic fail)

Least tourism – Paraguay

Friendliest Country – Paraguay

Best looking native girl – Catalina (Arica Chile)

Favourite person I met – Jane

See my best bits at the following link on youtube - copy and paste on your address bar!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DhllitMQCBs


Getting back to my trip to Central America, yes it was a French boat and yes it had French people, there were seven paying customers on the boat two French, One American, me and two Finnish girls then there was the captain his friend, wife and eight month old son. The captain and posse were amazing but the paying French were beyond difficult. Can you imagine a person paying to sail to some of the most beautiful islands in the world crossing some of the roughest seas but not wanting to get wet? Well this was the French girls plan so I was rewarded with the pleasure of seeing her get wet and consequently angry. You may think of me as evil or nasty and I have considered this myself but if you ever travel with French people then you will understand. That said I will try not to mention the French in a bad light again……emphasis on the word ‘try’.

Yes the trip was rough going 30 hours of sailing through day and night before we reached our goal of the San Blas islands but once we were there it was jaw dropingly beautiful. Never before have I seen a desert island more Robinson Crusoe and bear in mind that I have been to Fiji. These Islands made Fiji look like Blackpool Pleasure Beach, some islands were no bigger than ten Asda car parking spaces loaded with palm trees. Snorkelling the treacherous swells around the islands was fun as many of the islands had old sunken ships that have turned into man made coral reefs.

I only had one day in Panama City before I would head off to Costa Rica where again I would only have one night, mainly because these places are not offering me value for money as they are both (especially CR) very Americanised and you can tell this with the prices of basics so I am heading straight for Nicaragua with a one night stopover in San Jose in Costa Rica.

Whilst in the Panama City bus station a man wished Gods praise on me and within sixty seconds he was coming over begging for money saying that he has no where to sleep, no money, same clothes and he hasn’t washed then like a lightening bolt it struck me that I actually look worse than him so I took this opportunity to tell him that:

1. Have a month old beard
2. I have not showered for over five days
3. I have not worn underwear since I can remember my last wash
4. I have not washed my clothes since I can remember
5. I have not slept in a bed for six nights (I included the one on the bus im taking)
6. I have not seen a Llama for months now and
7. My armpits could chloroform a grown man

I gave him $1.

As I am writing this another chap (American) sits next to me who has had all his major possessions stolen from him, I am not sure if this is a ploy to get money from me but he is putting on a good show with phone calls and other little tale tell signs. Actually I think this is real or a bloody elaborate con. I felt very bad for him either way so I gave him $50 and the ability to pay me back so let’s see if the human race is worth saving. So James from Chicago I give you one month from this point to make contact or pay me back as said. If it was a con then I hope he gets what is deserved – Cancer, AIDS, accidental sex change, some disease even Dr House does not know or Jane’s favourite a boil on the bum, actually scratch Jane’s idea. For kindness beyond the call of duty I expect a Euro Lotto win or maybe a massive win in Vegas but nothing less than five and the bonus ball please Mystic Meg.

I do feel pretty good about myself albeit peppered with a slight concern that I have been tricked which if it is the case its going to mean payback!

Still not left the bus station but on the bus waiting to depart I am not safe from people wanting my money, a man comes aboard and starts talking Spanish and then gets his belly out, from my seat at the back near the WC I can not make out what it is until he comes up closer and shows us why he wants money, I would of paid $1 not to be shown that sort of thing especially after my McDonalds meal with McFlurry. Imagine Total Recall and the stomache baby thing crossed between a tumour crossed between someone putting objects under the skin protruding. I did tell him that I had already given out $51 dollars worth of chairity in the last hour but he didn’t believe me and then procided to tell the bus that the gringo didn’t pay.

That was Panama folks