A Simple Life

The origin of the name "Guatemala" is unclear, but several theories exist. "Guatemala" may mean "the land of the high trees" in the Maya language. Another theory is that it comes from the expression "Cuauhtitlan", meaning "between the trees". Lastly, there is a theory from Ron Burgundy of the Channel 5 news team that it comes from a Latin word, meaning "Whales vagina"

Can you put a price on stress? Well when travelling you certainly can, to get from A to B you have two main choices; to get the local bus (stressful) or to get an organised shuttle (relatively pain free). The shuttle is normally between 5-15 times greater in price than the local bus and is easy plus guaranteed to get there, normally direct (I use direct in its most loose form). If you take the local bus you will share your space with locals and livestock, this bus will stop whenever it needs to and you may have to disembark the bus at speed like Taryn* found out. Strangely these buses are probably more punctual than the English counterparts as the bus driver does not hang around even if you haven’t got your whole luggage and/or family off the bus. The only way to describe getting off one of these buses is in ‘The Crystal Maze’ when you only have 5 seconds to get out the room before they lock you in and your tight arse team do not want to use a crystal to buy you out….people probably wonder why I shout “To the Aztec zone” as I get off. So going from Panajchel to Chi-Chi (Chichicastenango) would have cost 50Q via the shuttle but instead we took the chicken bus where we had to change twice but this cost us 10Q so you see the price of stress in this journey was 40Q ($5)

*Taryn is the Canadian that I am travelling with at the moment and no I have not made a typo with her name but her parents may have made a K look like a T on her birth certificate. Taryn makes my Spanish seem amazing, even after teaching her some phrases she would still ask in English with me following it up with the appropriate words in Spanish. Taryn is now in SA where even less people speak English.

Chichicastenango is a town known for its traditional K'iche' Maya culture and for its famous market days on Thursdays and Sundays where many vendors sell handicrafts and the like. The manufacture of masks, used by dancers in traditional dances, such as the Dance of the Conquest, has also made this city well-known for woodcarving.



The sales pitch here was intense much like that of a window salesman telling old people they will die from the cold if they do not get double glazing. They would follow you round and would never take ‘no’ for an answer, some kid selling bags followed Taryn around for over an hour all throughout the deal was being thrashed out Taryn acting like she was a CEO for a big corporation never backing down until she got the price she wanted. I was sure that kid got the beating of his life when he got back home, I could see an anticipatory tear forming in his little eyes when I re-adjusted by belt! Sometimes you have to take a step back and realise that you are haggling over what amounts to 10 cents but after so long it becomes more of a principle trying to get a win under your belt from the many times you have been ripped off.



Next to the market is the 400-year old church of Santo Tomás. It is built atop a Pre-Columbian temple platform, and the steps originally leading to a temple of the pre-Hispanic Maya civilization remain venerated. Maya priests still use the church for their rituals, burning incense and candles. In special cases, they burn a chicken for the gods. Each of the 18 stairs that lead up to the church stands for one month of the Maya calendar year.




Leaving Chi-Chi both with bags bulging with souvenirs we had to get the bus to Coban with the road there being one of the best scenic drives in Guatemala, unfortunately half of the road is a hellish dirt track being stuck in a shuttle built for 14 people of short stature, 6ft 3” westerners were not in mind when they built these things. The scenery was amazing winding our way up and down the mountains viewing the populated valleys below, and this is one of the reasons I like Guatemala so much it provides dramatic contrasts between hot and humid tropical lowlands and colder and drier highland peaks.

Coban was a stepping stone; it’s a city with no real interest where we had to stay one night before embarking on another bus to get to our destination Semuc.

Semuc Champey is a natural monument near the town of Lanquín. It consists of a natural 300m limestone bridge, under which passes the Cahabòn River. Atop the bridge is a series of stepped, turquoise pools. The pools and scenery here were amazing; we hired a guide to take us around where he would show us the places to jump in. One jump was quite awkward having to jump half a meter out to avoid rocks which would be no problem but it was not flat so you could only get one push, I hesitated until there were some heckles coming from the group and alas I made it. The same people claiming it was easy all hesitated much longer than me when their turn came!





On route to Flores which is in northern Guatemala we stopped for lunch on route and this is where we saw the King-Kong of the spider world. Earlier that morning we had an incident with what seemed at the time a large spider in Taryn’s toiletries bag, for people who know me will understand my reaction, I did my best roadrunner impression and bolted out of the room. This spider in comparison was tiny so when I saw the ‘Horse Spider’ I was horrified, it looked as though it had been fed steak and steroids its whole life and at first glance I thought it had a tattoo, even now I can barley look at the photos. At first I got Taryn to take the pictures of it but as you learned in my last blog she is not one for taking photos, so I had to man up!



Flores is again a stepping stone for better things, it is an island but is far more interesting than Coban albeit another colonial cobbled street town. One of the highlights here was the Burger King across the bridge and the fact Taryn dressed in her Sunday best to go there and to the market. Some of the older locals in the market probably had a few years shaved off their lives when seeing Taryn in her chosen attire. The next morning we had to get the bus at 0400 to get to Tikal. Why so early? Well getting there for sunrise gives you the best chance to see some of the wildlife that inhabits the area. We got to see spider monkeys and hear howlers.

Tikal is one of the largest archaeological sites and urban centres of the pre-Columbian Maya civilization. The sites here date back as far as the 4th century BC however it reached its pinnacle during 200-900 AD where during this time it dominated much of the Maya region politically, economically and militarily. Some of the chiefs among this ancient civilization have had names that are not unlike the names celebrities give their offspring like First Scaffold Shark, Feather Skull, Great Jaguar Paw and Manikin Cleft Sky.





We headed to Rio Dulce (Sweet River) where there was not much going on and from there we went back to Guatemala City and Antigue where I was treated to a spectacular steak dinner. I have since spent the last few weeks chilling by the river back in San Pedro awaiting the right moment to tackle Mexico.


See you all in Mexico.

Guate Is Going On?

The first step in Guatemala was heading to Guatemala city which is known for its high crime and danger or soothe media says, so once we got there we headed to Antigua aided by a local who was heading there so instead of the $10 cost we got there for around $1.50. This is rare as I said before people never want to tell you the cheapest way to get from A-B as they normally know someone who will make money from it. When at the bus station people were holding signs for Antigua for $10 which for an hours journey is as cheap as they come, but as soon as you get to a country you attune to that countries economy, so a hotel costs $4 so how can a bus cost me more, this instinct gets more acute with practise but around bus stations and drop off points NO ONE is going to tell you the cheapest way…for example here asking a cab driver to take us to where the local buses to Antigua are they say $5 each which (telling them) is ridiculous then they say that the local bus is also $5 which coincidently is the same amount their friends are charging for a shuttle. The metro which is five minutes away from the bus depot was one quetzal (5 cents) then the chicken bus to our destination was nine Qs. If I had enough Spanish to tell them what they were I would have…unfortunately I do not.

Antigua is a colonial town at the base of you guessed it a volcano but not just one but three volcanoes, like every colonial town every streetscape offers many photo opportunities and with its thriving language school scene it was no wonder this place was packed to the rim with travellers and tourists. Antigua was quite expensive but I met some great people and practically spent 3 days hung-over, very hung-over. I did not see much of the town but only that on the way in and to be fair it looked like every other Colonial town I had ever been too, cobbled streets, colourful buildings and markets. I did re-visit Antigua to which I experienced a different feel but more on that later.

A group of five of us headed towards Lago de Atitlan Guatemala’s most dramatic region, the highlands, they stretch from Antigua to the Mexican border, here the verdant hills sport emerald green grass, cornfields and towering stands of pine. Maya dialect is the first language with Spanish a distant second.

We headed towards the poster child for Guatemala’s natural beauty – Lake Atitlan. This lake is dotted with villages each offering its own story and certain charm with more volcanoes as a backdrop. We started in San Pedro La Laguna which is by far the cheapest and the most entertaining of them all where hammock lazing could be a national sport. Our arrival at night gave us no insight and we were taken to hostel that was cruddy and mouldy so the next night we looked for new accommodation. I am not taking pictures of the places I’m staying but if I say it’s a dive then believe me then it is ten times worse than you can imagine. I have noticed around the world the locals prey on tourists/backpackers arriving knowing the time and how to get them, more often than not buses/flights or any sort of travel is more than three hours so again more often than not you fall asleep and wake at your arrival. This is bad news as you are not thinking straight and are susceptible to anything so rule of thumb; plan, stay confident and stay alert.

One of the funny sights on the way there was this Dutch guy who had a discman© which played CD’s, very retro! When the driver asked if anyone had CDs we roared with laughter and Koon passed his collection to the front, regrettably we had an idiot American in the van who shouted to turn the music off as it was too loud, alas no more music. I was tempted to tell him ‘if its too loud then you are too old’ but he seemed the type not to take a joke.

There is not masses amounts to do in San Pedro so many people tend to learn Spanish with it being over half the price that I paid in Bolivia it’s a Mecca for people wanting to learn Spanish. If I thought this place was a non mover the other places around the lake were much worse. The good thing about San Pedro is that it was very cheap meaning I could probably live on $10 maybe less a day here. I intend to come back here and waste some time here and maybe pick up some more Spanish. There are many excursions but you can do these without the aid of a guide as most of them are just walking. From San Pedro you can take a boat to anywhere around the lake so inevitable we did this and below is what I found.
.
San Marcos is probably one of the prettiest of the lake villages but this was dreadlock/weed central and had even less to do/see than San Pedro….well unless you smoke copious amounts of weed, love crystals and have a penchant for anything spiritual which I am none of the above. One thing I did like was the difference in goods that they sold, they had many a tasty snack whether it was frozen mango or banana dipped in chocolate to pure chocolate mixed with all manner of ingredients (chilli, cinnamon, orange etc etc), I recommend choc with chilli!!!

Jailibato was next and this had even less (a pattern is forming here). We visited the most luxurious hotel around the lake and that was it. To enter you have to purchase items totalling a certain amount or make a donation to their chairity. We also met a Canadian family who it seemed had never let the kids go to school. Social Services are on the way!

Santa Cruz was last on our trip and again this had EVEN LESS so less in fact that we had to stay in the hostel as there was no where to eat. I did actually contemplate about working in the hostel for a few weeks but after twenty seconds I realised that I would have become an alcoholic or addicted to hardcore drugs to pass away the days.

Guatemala does not have great cuisine in itself I mean apart from its traditional breakfast of beans (not Heinz) with omelette but it does borrow heavily from its neighbour Mexico meaning street tacos are my food of choice. I wish I could eat them every night…..wait a second I DO! Its not just the food that they borrow, the attire especially for the men screams Mexican to me, they wear cowboy-ish hats and it seems the genes from Mexico are here too, no one over 5ft 3”, dark skinned, big heads to fit the sombreros. Need I go on?

Next time find out about the Geoff Capes of the spider world who was fed steak and steroids, breaking the rules, market blunders and…..oh the Mayans.

Until next time.

Chris Vs the Volcano

So from Panama I had to cross the border into Costa Rica so to make things slightly easier I went with a bus company that goes through all the main cities in Central America instead of crossing the border and then getting another bus the Tica bus goes straight through. This border was extremely frustrating, we were the third or fourth bus to arrive and thus had to wait, we got there at 0630 and we did not finish until 1030. we had to have our bags checked when we left Panama for what I am not sure and when we entered Costa Rica the same check was performed. I don’t mind this if its going to be a rigorous and thorough check with humans or letting a dog smell the bag but all they did was open the top and look so if you are looking to smuggle drugs or any type of contraband into another CA country then just hide it at the bottom or 10cm from the top and you will be safe.

Four hours to go 100 meters!

Once in Costa Rica I stayed one night in San Jose the capital where I realised that this place is basically America with a Spanish accent, the city centre is thick with its malls, office towers and fried chicken chains making it undistinguishable from any modern city in the world. After six days without a shower the hot water in the hostel was like heaven on my skin. I stayed one night near the terminal before I had to catch the bus in the morning where I headed to Nicaragua.

In Nicaragua I went straight to San Juan Del Sur from Rivas where the bus dropped me off. San Juan is a surfing town with a slight hippy vibe which reminded me of Byron Bay in NSW Australia with its easy going attitude, hand crafts and amazing surf. I stayed in a popular hostel but was told that come the weekend there would be a surf competition and full moon party so with that I decided to get out before it became a massive party town and even more gringofied!






I got the local bus and a taxi to San Jorge, I shared the taxi with some other traveller’s one being this Italian women who probably was the most annoying person I have met in a long time asking questions about everything and then overpaying the taxi by $9. From San Jorge I ventured to the dock where I would take the ferry.

The ferry took around an hour to Isla De Ometepe and due to the wind was rather rough. Ometepe is the sort of place that belongs in fairytales; an island formed by twin volcanoes rising from the lake. The two large volcanoes are Conception which is a perfect cone shape and Maderas. I decided not to climb the volcano as this has already been ticked off my list and as you will read most of Central America is volcanoes, instead I took the time to do a small trek (one hour) to see some howler monkeys and the rest of the three days I just relaxed by the lake a feature that will feature regularly in the rest of my trip. Unfortunately the Italian women latched onto me like a leech on an infected wound and I found myself talking less and less not wanting to take a barrage of fifty questions from just ordering dinner. I stayed one more extra day so that I would not have to travel with her anymore.





I got the ferry back and then a local ‘chicken’ bus to Manague which is the capital where I booked a bus to Guatemala but as the borders are closed at night I would have to stay one night in El Salvador (San Salvador) after travelling and stopping in Honduras.



The night in El Salvador was one of the worst I have seen the room myself and a friend shared was sub standard but for $6 that’s what you pay for. In the night our room was visited by chickens and turkeys and also a mysterious unidentified creature that only made a noise as it climbed the wooden walls, needless to say sleep was hard to come by in this place. We stayed near to the terminal as our bus to Guatemala was meant to leave at 0600. We got to the terminal at 0525 only to discover that our bus had left without us but was stopping off at one more stop before hauling ass to Guatemala City, cue panic stopping a taxi telling him to be rapido and luckily getting there on time to catch the bus and save me buying a new ticket.

When travelling with Tim through South America we both found an equilibrium with each others photo taking ability as we had to ask each other to take the picture we wanted and 9/10 it was what we wanted but when we left the task in someone else’s hands to get a romantic picture together we found that we got complete amateurs taking the pictures, we didn’t expect a masterpiece but seriously when taking a picture of two people at a famous land mark if there is a trash can in the way move the camera! Well I have one such person travelling with me now who has no eye and even when I take a picture of someone else in the spot and show her she can not recreate it as you can see below…..can you guess which one I took.





So far I have rushed through Central America taking a handful of pictures and earning my stamp in my passport, this is mainly because most of the countries are quite expensive but I intend to spend over a month checking out Guatemala.

I currently have three blogs written but as I can not find wifi I will distribute them when I can….like my philosophy with women I don’t want to stick my USB in any old computer as it may have viruses.

Till next time…Adios.