First, I would like to thank everyone who read the blog. Writing and formatting the blog took more time and energy than one might think (even with my laptop), and I appreciate everyone that took the time to read it, and also like to thank everyone for the nice comments that I have received whilst I have been travelling, some people more than others took great interest in my endeavours and to you I thank you.
This blog became a release valve for me as travelling for this amount of time may sound glamorous to some and looking back at the photos it certainly seems that way but I can assure you that it was not all plain sailing as anyone who travelled with me can certainly confirm.
Before I left on my trip, as I told people of my plans to take 12+ months off and travel, I received the following questions and comments:
1. Early Mid-life crisis?
2. That's amazing! Where can I come visit you?
3. Chris, you are not progressing; you are regressing.
4. I hope that you find whatever it is that you are searching for.
If they didn’t think one of the above then they didn’t believe that I would go through with it much like the people who always say they are going to quit their job but never have the guts to do it. Of course it started out as an idea but like every serial killer who already knew, dreaming of it would never cut it so until I booked that first flight to India I doubt anyone believed me.
I would like to say: I, too, once thought that progress meant concentrating on ones career and achieving the three Ms; Mortgage, Matrimony and Maternity. However, as I ventured down this path, something seemed to be missing. I realised that my life, up to this point, has been about jumping through hoops. As new hoops arrived, I would eagerly jump through them, sometimes not because I wanted to, but just because I could. Somewhere along the way, though, the hoops became nooses, and the farther I went, the more I felt strangled. I learned that sometimes the best thing to do is to not jump through the next hoop but change direction.
I have been asked several times, "What did you learn on your trip?" That question would take a long time to answer, and I don't know if I could even articulate everything that I have learned, as much of it is on a purely experiential level. I am afraid that anything that I say here about the meaning of life would sound like a cliché. I do know that the only constant in life is change, and that we are all caterpillars. Some caterpillars emerge from their cocoons as beautiful butterflies, while others emerge as dull moths. Don’t be a moth
Being gone so long gives you plenty of time for reflection so sometimes when I am sitting by an ocean, lake or mountain I wonder how it may have been if I hadn’t had booked that flight. All I could see were grey office walls, the monotony of routine, the crushingness of boredom and an ache to experience something different. I didn’t take that path like so many instead I have been to the driest dessert in the world, dived the biggest reef, swam with the biggest fish in the ocean, washed under waterfalls, swung on a jungle vines, trekked a glacier, climbed a volcano, been to the largest island in the world (also the smallest continent) sky dived over a glacier, galloped on horseback through badlands, seen mass graves and torture centres, seen coffee fields, swam with sharks, won and lost in Vegas, trekked Inca and Mayan ruins, chowed down guinea pig, cycled down the most dangerous road in the world, played with perception on salt lakes, been to deserted islands, seen the moon and stars like never before, made a wish on a shooting star, dressed in drag (several times), driven around Australia, touched a wild monkey, been to the highest city in the world, one of the southern most cities in the world, seen turtles, rays, kangaroos, crocodiles, llamas, condors, toucans, learned a new language, suffered altitude sickness, partied all over the world and much much more. I can never make someone understand what I have experienced or how I felt unless you were there with me for that moment and for those people there will always be a bond a shared experience that we can never quite communicate to our friends or family.
I have loved, lost and found an amazing world that is vast with cultures, places and people but also it to be isolating, cruel and overwhelming but its these contrasts that makes travelling such an unpredictable force that you think you may be prepared for but never underestimate what could, should and shouldn’t happen.
Travel is funny, not always, of course and you can be sure that any trip will have moments of unadulterated hilarity usually at your expense but then again that is just the way of the road. So pack your humour with your sun cream and you won’t get burned!
You may not think it but as mentioned above there is a negative side to travelling, In many ways it is an idyllic scene, but to be honest, after a while you become tired and jaded about travel. When you’re on the road too long the spark of newness fades, meeting people becomes a chore and travel can feel like a long, pointless slog, a detour from loved ones and from life. it’s a passage that forces you to become friends with total strangers leave all that if familiar behind but its these bonds formed that produces numerous heartaches, you have to leave them telling each other you can not wait to see them again but in all reality you will likely never see them again. The constant movement never having anywhere to call home with every two days spending it in another dorm with another 8+ strangers sharing the same conversations again and again then re-packing your bag for the thousandth time to move on to the next place and repeating the process. At some points you feel as if you are going to have a ‘Falling Down’ moment when you realise that you have been ripped off again or have been given misinformation, so you think your own country does not run smoothly then visit some of the places I’ve been. Looking back in retrospect some moments of elevated stress now seem trivial but I can assure you that travelling can be stressful, it can be painful and its always emotional, so pack your Kleenex and calms before undertaking any trip, take life with a pinch of salt and most of all enjoy it.
Travelling to me is a path peppered with real adventure self-determination and self-motivation, it is often risky which forces you to have firsthand encounters with the world and its individuals, the world the way it is, not the way you imagine it or seen through the eyes of other people or the TV, I’ve born witness to the limitless kindness and bottomless cruelty of humankind – and realised that I could be capable of both. Travel will change you. Nothing will ever be black and white to me again.
One question I ask myself, quitting my job, my house, my car, my friends, my family, MY LIFE….was it worth it?
You decide.
INDEX
Number of countries visited: 27 India, Malaysia, Vietnam, Laos, Cambodia, Thailand, Indonesia, Australia, New Zealand, Fiji, Chile, Peru, Bolivia, Paraguay, Argentina, Uruguay, Brazil, Colombia, Panama, Costa Rica, Honduras, El Salvador, Nicaragua, Guatemala, Mexico and America.
Miles travelled: 63,000 give or take
Days on the road - 571
Flights taken -14
Friends before – 120
Friends after - 389
Strangest place someone was from – Faroe Islands
Friendliest country - Guatemala
Cheapest/Expensive India/Brazil
Digital photos accumulated – 22,000+
Different beers tasted – 80+
Money spent – a lot
Favourite country - Bolivia
Monkeys seen – Howler, spider, red face mercat, black face mercat, little one in Brazil?
Weirdest thing seen - guy who drank his own urine in Goa India.
Sunday, 24 April 2011
Thursday, 21 April 2011
Vegas was next on our hit list but what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas but if you want to know what happened you should watch ‘Swingers’, ‘Very Bad Things’ and ‘The Hangover’ times it by ten then add Hugh Grant into the mix then you might have an idea how two days in Sin City panned out. So if you haven’t seen these films get a Blockbusters card, but basically the drive was great to start with shouting “VEGAS BABY, VEGAS” with so much gusto we convinced ourselves we would be rolling in money baby then by the middle it panned off to more of a question “Are we there yet?” and at the end we couldn’t care less when we rolled into town. Once we got there and settled everything was money baby but unfortunately after shots on the roof we woke up in a trashed room and couldn’t remember what happened that night. We realised we lost one of our friends and we found a baby (Carlos) with a 400lb Bengal Tiger in the suite to which we embarked on a fun filled journey of hope and hilarity to locate him finding out along the way one of us was married to a hooker, we kidnapped and found an irate Chinease gangster in our car, stole a cop car, got tasered, met Mike Tyson and your more likely to end up on the floor than the roof after Roofys. Like all good stories we all grew together emotionally realising we were the three best friends that anyone could have and tigers don’t like cinemon. add to this a few trips to the Mojave desert to dig some holes for the accident we had in the suite and the friends we thought couldn’t keep their mouths shut and you get a very general view, like Tennacious D this is just a tribute to one of the maddest two and a half days of my life and if Charlie Sheen was there he would agree although he probably wouldn’t have kept up with us. Winning!
Vegas is an adults play ground in the middle of the desert but instead of jungle gyms and sand pits you have casinos and bars in the form of famous land marks of the world. you have the effle tower, lady liberty and a water light show looming over the strip while the hotels have everything you want and if you do want to escape you have to exit and enter via the casino which in itself is like a maze where no one really wants to tell you how to leave. The strip is the new centre of Las Vegas where you have Ceasers Palace, Planet Hollywood (where we stayed), Bellagio and Paris situated along the bustling street however I was charmed by downtown which used to be the old centre of town before it expanded and this is where you will find the old school casinos like the ‘Golden Nugget’ where the minimum bet is low and the table drinks come fast. It is also here where the croupiers will likely tell you how best to play your hand as no one wants someone hitting on 17 or splitting 10’s. People always said that you should only go to Vegas for five days and we met some English holiday makers staying there ten days well lets say that two days was two days too many so after ten days I would be in a rehab clinic!
America is certainly the place where the customer is always right, I really like the way that you call the shots and service is of a top class where with every meal you are served free water and once you have three sips it is refilled. You can choose a meal on the menu and practically rearrange all the ingredients and make it something else without fear of the staff spitting in it or worse. Travelling you meet people with all manor of jobs and I met a chef once who told me he cooked a carbonara sauce with urine to some awkward customers, surprisingly he got good reviews on that secret ingredient I for one thought it probably tasted like piss.
When we finally left Vegas we took a drive to the Grand Canyon which is only a modest 5 hour drive away and considering the state some of us were in it was not the most fun drive, one of us had alcohol poisoning and the rest had barely 3 hours sleep over 2 days so this was a very very long drive. So Vegas is in the state of Nevada but to get to GC we had to get to Arizona, so when I think of Arizona I picture more a remote Mexican style landscape filled with dust and cacti but when we got there it was more Colorado than Cancun with there being snow topped mountains, pine trees, log cabins and even snow on the road. Due to the length of the drive we opted to stay in Flagstaff where we found a cosy motel where once there we didn’t leave and just watched bad American TV and ordered take-out (Americas number one sport).
The Grand Canyon is such a grand canyon and it felt amazing to see it standing there on the edge and glance down in to the Colorado river. There was an attempt by the park to encourage people not to venture across a certain point but these larger than average rocks dotted along the track were never ever going to stop me from getting close to the edge and getting a fantastic picture. It felt very surreal standing on the edge and staring into this wide canyon seeing it on many a film but this moment I remember for the rest of my life. It is a shame that the pollution from California actually affects the visibility and this is the same throughout America with clear skies but the scenery only a matter of miles away seem hazy.
Unfortunately our time here was short so we were not able to trek it or even walk the rim of it as we had to get back to LA as Mike had a photo shoot to fly to.
Grand Canyon stats (courtesy of Wikipedia):
The Grand Canyon is 277 miles (446 km) long, up to 18 miles (29 km) wide and attains a depth of over a mile (6,000 feet / 1,800 metres) Nearly two billion years of the Earth's geological history have been exposed as the Colorado River and its tributaries cut their channels through layer after layer of rock while the Colorado Plateau was uplifted.
I can say that I have been to the Grand Canyon but I have also been to a deeper canyon, Colca Canyon in Peru!
After heading back to LA in a mammoth 9 hour drive we still had to get to San Francisco but that drive was too much so we negotiated the awful LA traffic and headed toward Santa Barbara where we stayed the night.
San Francisco has become my favourite city taking Sydney’s crown after a long time being the king. San Fran has so much character from the instantly recognisable Golden Gate Bridge to the dizzingly steep hills and Alcatraz which is situated a lot closer to the shore than one would think. There is obviously the vibrant gay scene restricted to the Castro Qtr but when there it is very gay with people looking like Dale Winton crossed with Graham Norton taking their dogs for walks in their handbags. I went to this quater once and that was to eat in the famous sandwich shop ‘Ikes Place’. This place has featured on many food shows and has many plaques and awards hanging in the store but it was not what I expected as there was no where to sit down it was more order and go and just like America you have far too many choices from the breads to the cheeses so choosing was an ordeal it was just lucky there was a massive queue which gave me plenty of time to make my decision; The Ex-Boyfriend…..yes I had to ask for that but that was better than asking for the ‘One Up The Arse’ which was basically a Nuttella covered baguette. Yes the sandwich was probably one of the best I had tasted.
Another popular place was Height and Ashbury which is a bit like Carnaby Street crossed with Kings Cross in Sydney with lots of boutiques and hippy shops selling tie dye shirts to peace stickers and drunks stumbling in the street. One funny thing that happened was crossing the road there was a drunk who looked like a homeless Burt Reynolds preaching to us some mumble jumble upon entering the nearest store a chap followed us in and told me that he gave the old drunk a cigarette so he should be mellow now. The guy stood there for about 6-7 seconds waiting for something so I told him ‘good job’ he then waited there another 6-7 seconds then smiled and skipped off.
The weather here is a lot like London’s but when we arrived even with rain predicted we had glorious weather so I took a day walking around the city taking in the sights and even though San Fran is quite small compared with other cities the hills are outrageous, you may remember these from the film Bullet and after about five hours negotiating these hills and seeing the most windy road in the world my feet were covered in blisters with no less than two on each toe.
On the way out of San Fran I got to see the weather turn with half the bridge covered in a thick fog but soon as we left and headed north towards Nappa it turned out to be a great day for wine tasting.
Vegas is an adults play ground in the middle of the desert but instead of jungle gyms and sand pits you have casinos and bars in the form of famous land marks of the world. you have the effle tower, lady liberty and a water light show looming over the strip while the hotels have everything you want and if you do want to escape you have to exit and enter via the casino which in itself is like a maze where no one really wants to tell you how to leave. The strip is the new centre of Las Vegas where you have Ceasers Palace, Planet Hollywood (where we stayed), Bellagio and Paris situated along the bustling street however I was charmed by downtown which used to be the old centre of town before it expanded and this is where you will find the old school casinos like the ‘Golden Nugget’ where the minimum bet is low and the table drinks come fast. It is also here where the croupiers will likely tell you how best to play your hand as no one wants someone hitting on 17 or splitting 10’s. People always said that you should only go to Vegas for five days and we met some English holiday makers staying there ten days well lets say that two days was two days too many so after ten days I would be in a rehab clinic!
America is certainly the place where the customer is always right, I really like the way that you call the shots and service is of a top class where with every meal you are served free water and once you have three sips it is refilled. You can choose a meal on the menu and practically rearrange all the ingredients and make it something else without fear of the staff spitting in it or worse. Travelling you meet people with all manor of jobs and I met a chef once who told me he cooked a carbonara sauce with urine to some awkward customers, surprisingly he got good reviews on that secret ingredient I for one thought it probably tasted like piss.
When we finally left Vegas we took a drive to the Grand Canyon which is only a modest 5 hour drive away and considering the state some of us were in it was not the most fun drive, one of us had alcohol poisoning and the rest had barely 3 hours sleep over 2 days so this was a very very long drive. So Vegas is in the state of Nevada but to get to GC we had to get to Arizona, so when I think of Arizona I picture more a remote Mexican style landscape filled with dust and cacti but when we got there it was more Colorado than Cancun with there being snow topped mountains, pine trees, log cabins and even snow on the road. Due to the length of the drive we opted to stay in Flagstaff where we found a cosy motel where once there we didn’t leave and just watched bad American TV and ordered take-out (Americas number one sport).
The Grand Canyon is such a grand canyon and it felt amazing to see it standing there on the edge and glance down in to the Colorado river. There was an attempt by the park to encourage people not to venture across a certain point but these larger than average rocks dotted along the track were never ever going to stop me from getting close to the edge and getting a fantastic picture. It felt very surreal standing on the edge and staring into this wide canyon seeing it on many a film but this moment I remember for the rest of my life. It is a shame that the pollution from California actually affects the visibility and this is the same throughout America with clear skies but the scenery only a matter of miles away seem hazy.
Unfortunately our time here was short so we were not able to trek it or even walk the rim of it as we had to get back to LA as Mike had a photo shoot to fly to.
Grand Canyon stats (courtesy of Wikipedia):
The Grand Canyon is 277 miles (446 km) long, up to 18 miles (29 km) wide and attains a depth of over a mile (6,000 feet / 1,800 metres) Nearly two billion years of the Earth's geological history have been exposed as the Colorado River and its tributaries cut their channels through layer after layer of rock while the Colorado Plateau was uplifted.
I can say that I have been to the Grand Canyon but I have also been to a deeper canyon, Colca Canyon in Peru!
After heading back to LA in a mammoth 9 hour drive we still had to get to San Francisco but that drive was too much so we negotiated the awful LA traffic and headed toward Santa Barbara where we stayed the night.
San Francisco has become my favourite city taking Sydney’s crown after a long time being the king. San Fran has so much character from the instantly recognisable Golden Gate Bridge to the dizzingly steep hills and Alcatraz which is situated a lot closer to the shore than one would think. There is obviously the vibrant gay scene restricted to the Castro Qtr but when there it is very gay with people looking like Dale Winton crossed with Graham Norton taking their dogs for walks in their handbags. I went to this quater once and that was to eat in the famous sandwich shop ‘Ikes Place’. This place has featured on many food shows and has many plaques and awards hanging in the store but it was not what I expected as there was no where to sit down it was more order and go and just like America you have far too many choices from the breads to the cheeses so choosing was an ordeal it was just lucky there was a massive queue which gave me plenty of time to make my decision; The Ex-Boyfriend…..yes I had to ask for that but that was better than asking for the ‘One Up The Arse’ which was basically a Nuttella covered baguette. Yes the sandwich was probably one of the best I had tasted.
Another popular place was Height and Ashbury which is a bit like Carnaby Street crossed with Kings Cross in Sydney with lots of boutiques and hippy shops selling tie dye shirts to peace stickers and drunks stumbling in the street. One funny thing that happened was crossing the road there was a drunk who looked like a homeless Burt Reynolds preaching to us some mumble jumble upon entering the nearest store a chap followed us in and told me that he gave the old drunk a cigarette so he should be mellow now. The guy stood there for about 6-7 seconds waiting for something so I told him ‘good job’ he then waited there another 6-7 seconds then smiled and skipped off.
The weather here is a lot like London’s but when we arrived even with rain predicted we had glorious weather so I took a day walking around the city taking in the sights and even though San Fran is quite small compared with other cities the hills are outrageous, you may remember these from the film Bullet and after about five hours negotiating these hills and seeing the most windy road in the world my feet were covered in blisters with no less than two on each toe.
On the way out of San Fran I got to see the weather turn with half the bridge covered in a thick fog but soon as we left and headed north towards Nappa it turned out to be a great day for wine tasting.
Saturday, 16 April 2011
By The Seat Of My Pants
The Tijuana border across into the United States is one of the busiest in the world and poor choices can result in up to 4 hours waiting time. I was ready or at least I thought I was with all the documents needed then I walked up to the border and got my first experience of the Americans, there are two lanes marked:
U.S citizens with documents
U.S citizens without documents
What about Mexicans let alone any other nationality so I hit the queue and waited an hour before I got to the end and was spoken to like I was as stupid as a cats ass even though he had the IQ of a golf ball and that might be even be unfair to the golf ball.
“Is this your first time in the US”
"Yes" (although still thinking I am actually on Mexican soil at the moment)
“What airport did you fly into in the US”?
Now you can see the problem here, I cannot fully tell you how baffled I was but this went on with more stupid questions until he shouted at me telling to go to some room to get some form. I was very close to telling this stupid prick where to go but realised that he was not worth the breath and I would likely be locked up under the terrorist act Cuba is a place I would like to see maybe not Guantanamo Bay and orange is not my colour. Luckily a few of the other people I encountered helped me get the stamp I needed and were not clinically retarded and finally after 2.5 hours I got across the border and was in San Diego which was basically a lucky Mexico.
America I don’t think would be as good as it has been unless I knew someone or had a lot of money to drop so knowing Brian has completely made my trip here. His friends claim he is ‘The King of San Diego’ and seeing how many people he knows I am starting to think they are right. You may recall that I met Brian in Colombia on the Lost City trek along with Mike from LA.
I got here a few days earlier than expected because it was ‘opening day’, to most Britons this would mean nothing but to every American this is the first home baseball game of the season and it was banging downtown once the San Diego Padres won! I love San Diego with my accent getting quite a lot of attention from the women; I could seriously see myself living here! Brian took me to many a rooftop bars and some place called the strip bar, no this was just a place where you can cook your own steak not where you look at some meat jive a pole.
One thing that has made me laugh is the TV out here, having watched this show where an overweight American eats his way through America and an early heart coronary when he has to do challenges like eat the hottest chilli wings in the world it does not take long for the audience to get behind him with chants. U.S.A, U.S.A, U.S.A. Like in Briton it takes only a slight rise in the higher education fees to start the posh rioting I would only have to shout the letter U to start the chant! It is easy to see why the America is the most obese country in the world everywhere there are fast food joints, you can not cruise the freeway without seeing tall looming signs advertising all manor of fast food joints.
The UK has two major fast food burger outlets McDonalds and Burger King but here they have dozens then dozens of fast food Mexican food. My favourites are Del Taco, In and Out Burgers and Tommy Burgers. One tip: When ordering through a drive through always complains that they haven’t given you all the order, they will give you it and it’s likely that they had forgotten something!
The weather here has been pretty average making it seem more like England than California but when the sun did show its face we would make use of it. Frisbee golf is exactly what it says on the tin but I was not prepared for what I saw. People took this way too seriously having driver, mid-range and putting Frisbees in their pro bags around their waist, I am surprised that people didn’t take caddies or role around in golf buggies. People even shouted “FOUR” when a Frisbee throw went pear shaped.
From San Diego we drove up the coast to Los Angeles where we met Mike and went out to his bar where he served us free drinks all night! Before this Brian got us VIP tickets to go and see the Jay Leno show being filmed so potentially I am on TV! It is filmed live delayed so it does not take 4 hours like a normal sitcom would take and Jay Leno doesn’t take himself too seriously. If you do not know who Jay Leno is he is the Tonight Show host who is famous for his massive collection of cars in his aircraft hangers in Burbank. The show I saw had David Arquette as the guest and Far Eastern Movement performing. It was funny to see the security at his show searching people’s phones and cameras if they thought you had taken pictures, it was as if we had walked into the CIA head quarters in Langley.
LA is exactly how I imagined it beautiful people all fake and serious. There is not much to see to the tourist so once we had seen the ‘Hollywood’ sign and the Chinese theatre we pretty much hit it all. LA was the worst of all the Californian cities I visited, its not commuter friendly there is traffic everywhere and the public transport is worse than some of the third world countries I had been to.
After LA we went down to Long beach which is the home to Snoop Dogg where we hung out with some of his friends and we got VIP tickets to the Chivas soccer game. Chivas share the same ground as LA Galaxy (Home Depot Stadium) and we got to watch the game in an exec box the one next to David Beckhams. One good thing about hte stadium is that you can walk all the way around and intergrate with fans of the opposing team.
Next time hear about Vegas and the rest of California.
U.S citizens with documents
U.S citizens without documents
What about Mexicans let alone any other nationality so I hit the queue and waited an hour before I got to the end and was spoken to like I was as stupid as a cats ass even though he had the IQ of a golf ball and that might be even be unfair to the golf ball.
“Is this your first time in the US”
"Yes" (although still thinking I am actually on Mexican soil at the moment)
“What airport did you fly into in the US”?
Now you can see the problem here, I cannot fully tell you how baffled I was but this went on with more stupid questions until he shouted at me telling to go to some room to get some form. I was very close to telling this stupid prick where to go but realised that he was not worth the breath and I would likely be locked up under the terrorist act Cuba is a place I would like to see maybe not Guantanamo Bay and orange is not my colour. Luckily a few of the other people I encountered helped me get the stamp I needed and were not clinically retarded and finally after 2.5 hours I got across the border and was in San Diego which was basically a lucky Mexico.
America I don’t think would be as good as it has been unless I knew someone or had a lot of money to drop so knowing Brian has completely made my trip here. His friends claim he is ‘The King of San Diego’ and seeing how many people he knows I am starting to think they are right. You may recall that I met Brian in Colombia on the Lost City trek along with Mike from LA.
I got here a few days earlier than expected because it was ‘opening day’, to most Britons this would mean nothing but to every American this is the first home baseball game of the season and it was banging downtown once the San Diego Padres won! I love San Diego with my accent getting quite a lot of attention from the women; I could seriously see myself living here! Brian took me to many a rooftop bars and some place called the strip bar, no this was just a place where you can cook your own steak not where you look at some meat jive a pole.
One thing that has made me laugh is the TV out here, having watched this show where an overweight American eats his way through America and an early heart coronary when he has to do challenges like eat the hottest chilli wings in the world it does not take long for the audience to get behind him with chants. U.S.A, U.S.A, U.S.A. Like in Briton it takes only a slight rise in the higher education fees to start the posh rioting I would only have to shout the letter U to start the chant! It is easy to see why the America is the most obese country in the world everywhere there are fast food joints, you can not cruise the freeway without seeing tall looming signs advertising all manor of fast food joints.
The UK has two major fast food burger outlets McDonalds and Burger King but here they have dozens then dozens of fast food Mexican food. My favourites are Del Taco, In and Out Burgers and Tommy Burgers. One tip: When ordering through a drive through always complains that they haven’t given you all the order, they will give you it and it’s likely that they had forgotten something!
The weather here has been pretty average making it seem more like England than California but when the sun did show its face we would make use of it. Frisbee golf is exactly what it says on the tin but I was not prepared for what I saw. People took this way too seriously having driver, mid-range and putting Frisbees in their pro bags around their waist, I am surprised that people didn’t take caddies or role around in golf buggies. People even shouted “FOUR” when a Frisbee throw went pear shaped.
From San Diego we drove up the coast to Los Angeles where we met Mike and went out to his bar where he served us free drinks all night! Before this Brian got us VIP tickets to go and see the Jay Leno show being filmed so potentially I am on TV! It is filmed live delayed so it does not take 4 hours like a normal sitcom would take and Jay Leno doesn’t take himself too seriously. If you do not know who Jay Leno is he is the Tonight Show host who is famous for his massive collection of cars in his aircraft hangers in Burbank. The show I saw had David Arquette as the guest and Far Eastern Movement performing. It was funny to see the security at his show searching people’s phones and cameras if they thought you had taken pictures, it was as if we had walked into the CIA head quarters in Langley.
LA is exactly how I imagined it beautiful people all fake and serious. There is not much to see to the tourist so once we had seen the ‘Hollywood’ sign and the Chinese theatre we pretty much hit it all. LA was the worst of all the Californian cities I visited, its not commuter friendly there is traffic everywhere and the public transport is worse than some of the third world countries I had been to.
After LA we went down to Long beach which is the home to Snoop Dogg where we hung out with some of his friends and we got VIP tickets to the Chivas soccer game. Chivas share the same ground as LA Galaxy (Home Depot Stadium) and we got to watch the game in an exec box the one next to David Beckhams. One good thing about hte stadium is that you can walk all the way around and intergrate with fans of the opposing team.
Next time hear about Vegas and the rest of California.
Wednesday, 6 April 2011
Wandering Gypsy Poet
My time in Mexico has been a speedy jaunt across the whole of the country from bottom to top, I have stopped in a few places and seen the real Mexico unlike the people who go on holiday in the places like Cancun, Puerto Vallarta and never leave their resort. These places were specifically built for tourism and nothing about them is Mexican, you could just as well be in Spain due to their sprawling resorts clambering for space. Just because you have eaten tacos, burritos, quesadillas or chimichangas in a resort does not make it Mexico just like if you have only been to Foz de Iguazu you have not been to Brazil!
My first stop was in San Cristobal which is not what I expected from my first Mexican experience, I guess I was thinking donkeys, sombreros and cacti instead I was surrounded by green hills, churches and flash cars, yes it was touristy with markets aimed at the tourist dollar but the churches were quite astonishing and it had a colonial rustic feel to it. San C was around 2100m above sea level so during the day it was hot but once the sun went down it became cold so I guess it was a good job I got rid of my winter clothes in Argentina (December). You can clearly notice the difference from Guatemala, the money is much more apparent with less tuk-tuks and more taxis and much more wealth in the automobiles driving around you have dodge ram’s, mustangs and Audi’s cruising the streets.
You are forever reminded how small this world is having befriended a couple on the bus after exchanging information I found out they were good friends with a person I had travelled South America with. I solely blame Sarah and Pete for the amount I spent on trinkets and souvenirs for my ‘imaginary house’ with them saying “you have to buy everything in threes or fours to make it work”. This brings me on to ‘souvenir scams’ its tactics the markets use to entice you to buy their crap. I mean who wants to buy a felt stuffed giraffe in Mexico let alone two of them? The animal is not indigenous to any area that side of the world let alone just in Mexico but its how they have ten of them all brightly coloured sitting there with a million other pieces of crap you don’t need all coloured brightly. Their stalls look as though Joseph and his techni-coloured dream coat were commissioned to make a Sony Bravia TV advert then wash it down with every colour known to Dulux. I must admit it looks pretty and there lies the rub you think it is pretty in their stall but you need to ask yourself what would you do with it back home?
One item that I did resist purchasing were the Nacho Libre masks (Mexican wrestling masks) however I cannot say the same for Sarah or Pete who practically bought out the whole stock in San Cristobal even trying them on like you would if you were buying your prom dress.
The bus system in Mexico is extensive with over 800 companies desperate for your custom but there is one thing I can find at fault and it is in the actual bus station, unlike other countries which have a board saying whether the bus is boarding, arriving or leaving instead they have a tannoy in Spanish in the least acoustic building. I can not even understand one single word and at some points I could see the locals wince struggling to make out the announcements. It would be like getting rid of the train board at Waterloo station and getting Paul Gascoigne to do the announcements drunk after the acoustic settings were designed by a three year old.
The 11 hour bus ride from San C to Oaxaca was more like 16 due to the angry machete wielding Mexican protest in the middle of the road, I did take some pictures until a bunch of them pointed at me with their sharpened machetes, in my defence I was trying to get them publicity for their cause, whatever it was. Some of the other tourists on the bus were getting angry and inpatient so I suspect this is early in their travels where as I took it all in my stride not bothered if it took 24 hours for them to leave this is because I learnt to take bus snacks and water a long time ago.
Oaxaca was basically the same as San Cristobal but with more churches which looked slightly nicer with stuff a bit more pricy. Before I came travelling I vision Mexico as one of the cheap places but in reality it is really expensive bus travel in particular
This same protest has delayed me again with my 0930 bus to Mexico City leaving at 1600 so that gave me a glorious 7 hours to enjoy the bus station.
Most of the most spectacular scenes are seen from the bus unfortunately the driver does not permit toilet stops let alone photo stops so one of the best sun sets over layer upon layer of mountains is reserved just for my memory. From Mexico City I got a bus straight to Mazatlan which is probably not one of the best places for tourists at the moment but like everything the media hype it up. One thing I did notice is the change from south to north, the vibe is a bit tenser the further north you go also the cost increases too. The general look of people I noticed had changed from nuclear family to gangsters with tattoos.
I got the first ferry out of Mazatlan over to the chilled out area of La Paz on the peninsula, now I have been on a few ferries and there generally like airport lounges but never have I seen such a shit show like the 17 hour ferry I just endured. No where to put my bags, no where to sleep so in fear of my stuff being stolen I sat in a seat semi-conscious for 17 hours. I did seem to be an attraction to the gangster looking truck drivers and in the morning after chatting to some they offered me a lift to La Paz claiming there were no buses from the dock to La Paz (20km) saying I would have to walk it. Of course there were buses, collectivos and taxis waiting to shuttle people to their destination.
.
La Paz is like every tourist area with a beach it has row upon row of bar and restaurant with everything overpriced. As an add note they are also stupid. So many people thought that I was going to fly across the dangerous portion of Mexico. Sorry Mum I didn’t I wanted to see it and boy it was beautiful reminding me of Australia in a way, nothing, nothing, nothing, cactus, then valleys of cacti then rolling beautiful flowered hills then Tijuana. Why are they all stupid? Well because when I booked my 24 hour bus jaunt to get to the worlds busiest border crossing which I wanted to get at 0700 the next morning the idiots didn’t tell me that it was daylight saving hour that night and the clocks went forward hence I missed the bus by an hour. What the hell do Mexicans need it for? All they farm is Marijuana!
I got across the border and that could be a whole blog itself so read next time about crossing into the USA!
My first stop was in San Cristobal which is not what I expected from my first Mexican experience, I guess I was thinking donkeys, sombreros and cacti instead I was surrounded by green hills, churches and flash cars, yes it was touristy with markets aimed at the tourist dollar but the churches were quite astonishing and it had a colonial rustic feel to it. San C was around 2100m above sea level so during the day it was hot but once the sun went down it became cold so I guess it was a good job I got rid of my winter clothes in Argentina (December). You can clearly notice the difference from Guatemala, the money is much more apparent with less tuk-tuks and more taxis and much more wealth in the automobiles driving around you have dodge ram’s, mustangs and Audi’s cruising the streets.
You are forever reminded how small this world is having befriended a couple on the bus after exchanging information I found out they were good friends with a person I had travelled South America with. I solely blame Sarah and Pete for the amount I spent on trinkets and souvenirs for my ‘imaginary house’ with them saying “you have to buy everything in threes or fours to make it work”. This brings me on to ‘souvenir scams’ its tactics the markets use to entice you to buy their crap. I mean who wants to buy a felt stuffed giraffe in Mexico let alone two of them? The animal is not indigenous to any area that side of the world let alone just in Mexico but its how they have ten of them all brightly coloured sitting there with a million other pieces of crap you don’t need all coloured brightly. Their stalls look as though Joseph and his techni-coloured dream coat were commissioned to make a Sony Bravia TV advert then wash it down with every colour known to Dulux. I must admit it looks pretty and there lies the rub you think it is pretty in their stall but you need to ask yourself what would you do with it back home?
One item that I did resist purchasing were the Nacho Libre masks (Mexican wrestling masks) however I cannot say the same for Sarah or Pete who practically bought out the whole stock in San Cristobal even trying them on like you would if you were buying your prom dress.
The bus system in Mexico is extensive with over 800 companies desperate for your custom but there is one thing I can find at fault and it is in the actual bus station, unlike other countries which have a board saying whether the bus is boarding, arriving or leaving instead they have a tannoy in Spanish in the least acoustic building. I can not even understand one single word and at some points I could see the locals wince struggling to make out the announcements. It would be like getting rid of the train board at Waterloo station and getting Paul Gascoigne to do the announcements drunk after the acoustic settings were designed by a three year old.
The 11 hour bus ride from San C to Oaxaca was more like 16 due to the angry machete wielding Mexican protest in the middle of the road, I did take some pictures until a bunch of them pointed at me with their sharpened machetes, in my defence I was trying to get them publicity for their cause, whatever it was. Some of the other tourists on the bus were getting angry and inpatient so I suspect this is early in their travels where as I took it all in my stride not bothered if it took 24 hours for them to leave this is because I learnt to take bus snacks and water a long time ago.
Oaxaca was basically the same as San Cristobal but with more churches which looked slightly nicer with stuff a bit more pricy. Before I came travelling I vision Mexico as one of the cheap places but in reality it is really expensive bus travel in particular
This same protest has delayed me again with my 0930 bus to Mexico City leaving at 1600 so that gave me a glorious 7 hours to enjoy the bus station.
Most of the most spectacular scenes are seen from the bus unfortunately the driver does not permit toilet stops let alone photo stops so one of the best sun sets over layer upon layer of mountains is reserved just for my memory. From Mexico City I got a bus straight to Mazatlan which is probably not one of the best places for tourists at the moment but like everything the media hype it up. One thing I did notice is the change from south to north, the vibe is a bit tenser the further north you go also the cost increases too. The general look of people I noticed had changed from nuclear family to gangsters with tattoos.
I got the first ferry out of Mazatlan over to the chilled out area of La Paz on the peninsula, now I have been on a few ferries and there generally like airport lounges but never have I seen such a shit show like the 17 hour ferry I just endured. No where to put my bags, no where to sleep so in fear of my stuff being stolen I sat in a seat semi-conscious for 17 hours. I did seem to be an attraction to the gangster looking truck drivers and in the morning after chatting to some they offered me a lift to La Paz claiming there were no buses from the dock to La Paz (20km) saying I would have to walk it. Of course there were buses, collectivos and taxis waiting to shuttle people to their destination.
.
La Paz is like every tourist area with a beach it has row upon row of bar and restaurant with everything overpriced. As an add note they are also stupid. So many people thought that I was going to fly across the dangerous portion of Mexico. Sorry Mum I didn’t I wanted to see it and boy it was beautiful reminding me of Australia in a way, nothing, nothing, nothing, cactus, then valleys of cacti then rolling beautiful flowered hills then Tijuana. Why are they all stupid? Well because when I booked my 24 hour bus jaunt to get to the worlds busiest border crossing which I wanted to get at 0700 the next morning the idiots didn’t tell me that it was daylight saving hour that night and the clocks went forward hence I missed the bus by an hour. What the hell do Mexicans need it for? All they farm is Marijuana!
I got across the border and that could be a whole blog itself so read next time about crossing into the USA!
Friday, 1 April 2011
A Latin Lullaby
It is time for me to say goodbye to Latin America having travelled both South and Central I have become accustomed to the Latin way of life adopting many aspects of their life as my own. I am now entwined with their language, food, weather, culture, parties and women, so much so that when I finally touch down in America I will hate the fact that I can communicate with everyone.
Having entered back into Western culture straight away I have noticed things that seemingly were natural to me were indeed not, so like a ex-con I have to be rehabilitated in order to return to ‘normal life’.
There are no stray dogs roaming the streets! These beloved creatures are treated like royalty in our own countries residing in our houses, being fed regularly and even earning the mantle as ‘mans best friend’, however in the Latin quarter it’s more like ‘mans worse problem’, the dogs roam the streets picking up scraps causing a nuisance to traffic and fighting, sometimes you see a cute dog and like a born instinct we go to pet them but these dogs also have an instinct; they hate humans. I can’t blame them they are beaten with sticks and kicked and all they want like Pinocchio is to be ‘real pets’. Sometimes these dogs have high protective instincts towards the backpacker like when Eirian made me walk her to the ATM a stray dog followed us there and back then like a true vigilante he disappeared. I need to learn how to love dogs again and not immediately think disease, fleas and rabies when I see that foamy mouth and those puppy dog blood-shot crazy eyes.
Using the toilet may seem simple for you with your above average drainage systems but for me if it was not squatting and flushing using a jug of water gained from the larger container then at the very least the paper had to go in the poop bin. I find myself now looking around for that shit stained bin, even when crapping in the dark (no light bulb/power/window) you could still find it because of the rank odour it produces as no one ever cleans it. You only try and be western once by putting the paper in ‘its proper place’ but once you block it and its contents spills onto your bathroom floor the bucket goes from toilet immigrant to toilet native! For my sins I did play toilet Russian roulette many times but as I said you will eventually lose….mine happened to be on a boat. No escape.
If you've travelled in Central America, you've probably seen a chicken bus. If you've backpacked in Central America, you've probably used one! The term "Chicken bus" refers to Central America's countless fleets of public buses, typically retired American school buses painted in flamboyant colours and designs. Chicken bus fares are cheap, though for a reason. The nickname allegedly derives from the passengers themselves, who are packed together like chickens (sometimes as many as four to a seat). However, the occasional feathered traveller may also be seen! These Elton-John inspired buses are unique to Central America with SA being less ostentatious with more military inspired colours such as Battleship grey, Platoon green and black hawk down. The Chicken bus is truly a great, fun and fulfilling way to travel, yes they are beat up but one thing you notice is no scummy kids leaving their graffiti tags, impromptu fights (see ‘Peckham terminator’ on YouTube) and people trying to evade the fare. One thing they could use though is a night chicken bus!
If only Boris Johnson (London Mayor) had the foresight less bendy buses and more bender buses.
Responsibility is something that is being taken away more and more from the people of Europe due to a fear of blame culture and law suits that our American cousins have introduced. Not here, as John Lennon once said - ‘power to the people’ .Valium, Ritalin, Xanax, Viagra and other medications your Doctor won't prescribe you (due to your addictive personality), can be purchased at the local Farmacia, no questions asked. Imagine trying to buy enough Valium to put a heard of elephants to sleep in England, your doctor before he burst out laughing would prescribe a herbal alternative, no one wants the shit herbal crap that clearly doesn’t work and is made from elderflower. We know it does not work we know this BECAUSE IT CAN BE BOUGHT OVER THE COUNTER! Latin pharmacies make you feel like an adult, yes I have enough Valium to put Andre the Giant in a coma but I am empowered by this responsibility so will not eat them like M&Ms. It may also be the fact that you have bus journeys expressed in days not hours!
Don't be surprised if the medications referred to above expired two years earlier.
When I get a take-away in England I am going to expect it to be in a transparent plastic bag, you know you are living the high life when it comes in an aluminium tray or even a box, WOW no wonder they all want to move here. They might think twice when they realise they have to get their food and other items in a store and not have someone conveniently sell them on a bus or at the side of the road. I am used to getting street food in a bag and using said bag as my makeshift plate, glove and napkin all in one. I have got so good at this that National Geographic should give me my own survival show – ‘Extreme Take Away’ and unlike that Bear Gryils fellow mine will not be fake in a hotel sipping on pina coladas while the producers do all the work, mine will be curry in a bag with hands! Speaking of Pina Coladas you can also get take away drink in a bag, tied at the end with your straw hanging out is the only way to drink on the streets!
If you see a fellow traveller sporting a Canadian flag iron-on on the back of their pack, odds are they are American and if they are not then according to one American they are in the continent of North America thus making them American so I guess that makes Mexicans American’s. I am sure she was an advisor to President Bush with logic like that! If you however are from Canada, you are considered friendly. You are also considered to be the naive, dim-witted, politically-challenged sibling of the United States.
The kid in the park that needed money for school books and/or school is not really in school but being used in a network of vendors selling items that are never wanted by any tourist. Sell less 2010 calendars in December 2010, giant musical instruments that not even with an extra arm you could carry and sunglasses so gay not even Elton John would consider wearing. Instead sell stuff that we want; cigarettes, water, beer and ice-cream, instantly this vendor would become rich overnight. Seeing kids in America I instantly expect them now to try and sell me something.
As mentioned above the kids are put into work at an early age so people tend to have as many kids as possible not because of their religion but because the more you have the more goods you can sell (Latin business 101). I can see it being like ‘The Apprentice’ behind closed doors.
My time here has been amazing I have made some great friends some of who I hope to see again, 6 months is by far not enough as I have not had the time or the money to see the south of Argentina and Chile let alone the six other countries I did not get to visit. Congratulations to my friend Tim who has done it properly even with having his identity stolen, at least you know who to look for Tim.
I am off to America where I will embark on a road trip around California before working out what to do next.
The next blog will be about my time in Mexico.
Here are some tips to travel in South and Central America:
Bring anti-nausea medication with you at all times. Accept the fact you will get violently ill anyway.
Bring loo roll with you at all times. Accept the fact you will get ‘Delhi Belly’ and most toilets will have none.
Don't assume that your new Latin girlfriend/boyfriend is serious when they say they’ve never felt this way about a financially independent foreign traveller before.
False advertising is not a crime, but rather a clever marketing tactic.
If you want a peaceful relaxing stay do not check into a Loki hostel (especially Cusco)
If your hostel/guest-house claims to have agua calliente (hot water) expect lukewarm water at best but most probably freezing cold, the shower may also electrocute you from dodgy wiring.
If you don't enjoy being molested from behind by random local men in heat, do not sign up for dance lessons, women you are paying to be sexually assaulted.
Women do not wear clothes you would wear on a hot day back home here, some men are not aware of self-control and some locals have never seen attire like that but then again blood pressure tablets are available over the counter.
hissing, clicking (like in Predator) and whistling is kin to a wolf whistle or ‘get your tits out’ shout from a construction site back home, be flattered.
Latin American TV is always shit so never pay more for a room with a TV
Expect no matter where you are you can always find an Irish bar and/or reggae bar.
If when buying your shuttle from A-B they claim ‘directo’ no stops, changes and comfortable expect it to stop on every street corner, a bus change at the border and an attempt at a world record for how many people can fit in to said bus.
Don’t under estimate mixing alcohol with altitude it makes it 3 times stronger than you think.
Even if you are an experienced bar man expect to never pour a perfect pint at altitude unless you have a love for Dutch beers.
All tuk-tuk and taxi drivers are also in-fact drug dealers
When in doubt, try adding 'ada' or 'o' to the end of an English word to translate it to Spanish.
Don't assume that adding 'ada' or 'o' to the end of an English word will make it Spanish.
American tourists, (even the geriatrics who only see the Country through the window of an air-conditioned luxury coach bus), will always have more exciting travel stories than you.
If your white Mexicans will call you American no matter where you are from.
Don't polish off three street tacos and a bottle of cheap wine the night before a rocky 6-hour bus trip driven by a visually-impaired 80 year-old man.
Buses overtake on blind bends and crests, try to imagine it being on a roller-coaster at Alton Towers.
Until next time!
“A traveller without observation is like a bird without wings”
Having entered back into Western culture straight away I have noticed things that seemingly were natural to me were indeed not, so like a ex-con I have to be rehabilitated in order to return to ‘normal life’.
There are no stray dogs roaming the streets! These beloved creatures are treated like royalty in our own countries residing in our houses, being fed regularly and even earning the mantle as ‘mans best friend’, however in the Latin quarter it’s more like ‘mans worse problem’, the dogs roam the streets picking up scraps causing a nuisance to traffic and fighting, sometimes you see a cute dog and like a born instinct we go to pet them but these dogs also have an instinct; they hate humans. I can’t blame them they are beaten with sticks and kicked and all they want like Pinocchio is to be ‘real pets’. Sometimes these dogs have high protective instincts towards the backpacker like when Eirian made me walk her to the ATM a stray dog followed us there and back then like a true vigilante he disappeared. I need to learn how to love dogs again and not immediately think disease, fleas and rabies when I see that foamy mouth and those puppy dog blood-shot crazy eyes.
Using the toilet may seem simple for you with your above average drainage systems but for me if it was not squatting and flushing using a jug of water gained from the larger container then at the very least the paper had to go in the poop bin. I find myself now looking around for that shit stained bin, even when crapping in the dark (no light bulb/power/window) you could still find it because of the rank odour it produces as no one ever cleans it. You only try and be western once by putting the paper in ‘its proper place’ but once you block it and its contents spills onto your bathroom floor the bucket goes from toilet immigrant to toilet native! For my sins I did play toilet Russian roulette many times but as I said you will eventually lose….mine happened to be on a boat. No escape.
If you've travelled in Central America, you've probably seen a chicken bus. If you've backpacked in Central America, you've probably used one! The term "Chicken bus" refers to Central America's countless fleets of public buses, typically retired American school buses painted in flamboyant colours and designs. Chicken bus fares are cheap, though for a reason. The nickname allegedly derives from the passengers themselves, who are packed together like chickens (sometimes as many as four to a seat). However, the occasional feathered traveller may also be seen! These Elton-John inspired buses are unique to Central America with SA being less ostentatious with more military inspired colours such as Battleship grey, Platoon green and black hawk down. The Chicken bus is truly a great, fun and fulfilling way to travel, yes they are beat up but one thing you notice is no scummy kids leaving their graffiti tags, impromptu fights (see ‘Peckham terminator’ on YouTube) and people trying to evade the fare. One thing they could use though is a night chicken bus!
If only Boris Johnson (London Mayor) had the foresight less bendy buses and more bender buses.
Responsibility is something that is being taken away more and more from the people of Europe due to a fear of blame culture and law suits that our American cousins have introduced. Not here, as John Lennon once said - ‘power to the people’ .Valium, Ritalin, Xanax, Viagra and other medications your Doctor won't prescribe you (due to your addictive personality), can be purchased at the local Farmacia, no questions asked. Imagine trying to buy enough Valium to put a heard of elephants to sleep in England, your doctor before he burst out laughing would prescribe a herbal alternative, no one wants the shit herbal crap that clearly doesn’t work and is made from elderflower. We know it does not work we know this BECAUSE IT CAN BE BOUGHT OVER THE COUNTER! Latin pharmacies make you feel like an adult, yes I have enough Valium to put Andre the Giant in a coma but I am empowered by this responsibility so will not eat them like M&Ms. It may also be the fact that you have bus journeys expressed in days not hours!
Don't be surprised if the medications referred to above expired two years earlier.
When I get a take-away in England I am going to expect it to be in a transparent plastic bag, you know you are living the high life when it comes in an aluminium tray or even a box, WOW no wonder they all want to move here. They might think twice when they realise they have to get their food and other items in a store and not have someone conveniently sell them on a bus or at the side of the road. I am used to getting street food in a bag and using said bag as my makeshift plate, glove and napkin all in one. I have got so good at this that National Geographic should give me my own survival show – ‘Extreme Take Away’ and unlike that Bear Gryils fellow mine will not be fake in a hotel sipping on pina coladas while the producers do all the work, mine will be curry in a bag with hands! Speaking of Pina Coladas you can also get take away drink in a bag, tied at the end with your straw hanging out is the only way to drink on the streets!
If you see a fellow traveller sporting a Canadian flag iron-on on the back of their pack, odds are they are American and if they are not then according to one American they are in the continent of North America thus making them American so I guess that makes Mexicans American’s. I am sure she was an advisor to President Bush with logic like that! If you however are from Canada, you are considered friendly. You are also considered to be the naive, dim-witted, politically-challenged sibling of the United States.
The kid in the park that needed money for school books and/or school is not really in school but being used in a network of vendors selling items that are never wanted by any tourist. Sell less 2010 calendars in December 2010, giant musical instruments that not even with an extra arm you could carry and sunglasses so gay not even Elton John would consider wearing. Instead sell stuff that we want; cigarettes, water, beer and ice-cream, instantly this vendor would become rich overnight. Seeing kids in America I instantly expect them now to try and sell me something.
As mentioned above the kids are put into work at an early age so people tend to have as many kids as possible not because of their religion but because the more you have the more goods you can sell (Latin business 101). I can see it being like ‘The Apprentice’ behind closed doors.
My time here has been amazing I have made some great friends some of who I hope to see again, 6 months is by far not enough as I have not had the time or the money to see the south of Argentina and Chile let alone the six other countries I did not get to visit. Congratulations to my friend Tim who has done it properly even with having his identity stolen, at least you know who to look for Tim.
“The use of travelling is to regulate imagination by reality, and instead of thinking how things may be, to see them as they are.” –
I am off to America where I will embark on a road trip around California before working out what to do next.
“Nothing beats a planned unplanned trip” –Chris Brodie
The next blog will be about my time in Mexico.
Here are some tips to travel in South and Central America:
Bring anti-nausea medication with you at all times. Accept the fact you will get violently ill anyway.
Bring loo roll with you at all times. Accept the fact you will get ‘Delhi Belly’ and most toilets will have none.
Don't assume that your new Latin girlfriend/boyfriend is serious when they say they’ve never felt this way about a financially independent foreign traveller before.
False advertising is not a crime, but rather a clever marketing tactic.
If you want a peaceful relaxing stay do not check into a Loki hostel (especially Cusco)
If your hostel/guest-house claims to have agua calliente (hot water) expect lukewarm water at best but most probably freezing cold, the shower may also electrocute you from dodgy wiring.
If you don't enjoy being molested from behind by random local men in heat, do not sign up for dance lessons, women you are paying to be sexually assaulted.
Women do not wear clothes you would wear on a hot day back home here, some men are not aware of self-control and some locals have never seen attire like that but then again blood pressure tablets are available over the counter.
hissing, clicking (like in Predator) and whistling is kin to a wolf whistle or ‘get your tits out’ shout from a construction site back home, be flattered.
Latin American TV is always shit so never pay more for a room with a TV
Expect no matter where you are you can always find an Irish bar and/or reggae bar.
If when buying your shuttle from A-B they claim ‘directo’ no stops, changes and comfortable expect it to stop on every street corner, a bus change at the border and an attempt at a world record for how many people can fit in to said bus.
Don’t under estimate mixing alcohol with altitude it makes it 3 times stronger than you think.
Even if you are an experienced bar man expect to never pour a perfect pint at altitude unless you have a love for Dutch beers.
All tuk-tuk and taxi drivers are also in-fact drug dealers
When in doubt, try adding 'ada' or 'o' to the end of an English word to translate it to Spanish.
Don't assume that adding 'ada' or 'o' to the end of an English word will make it Spanish.
American tourists, (even the geriatrics who only see the Country through the window of an air-conditioned luxury coach bus), will always have more exciting travel stories than you.
If your white Mexicans will call you American no matter where you are from.
Don't polish off three street tacos and a bottle of cheap wine the night before a rocky 6-hour bus trip driven by a visually-impaired 80 year-old man.
Buses overtake on blind bends and crests, try to imagine it being on a roller-coaster at Alton Towers.
Until next time!
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