I Passed The Human Kind Test....Would You?

So my South American trip is over but with the ending of one adventure starts another so I find myself on a sail boat heading from Colombia to Panama via the San Blas islands.

Before I tell you what happened I would like to give you a rundown of what South America was for me:

This has been one of the best continents that I have travelled having seen the most rewarding sights and meeting some of the best people I have ever had the pleasure of travelling with. Travelling here is difficult and sometimes stressful but that is what makes this place wonderful to travel, the locals are always very interested and friendly its just a shame that I can not speak enough Spanish to have a more gratifying conversation with the locals. South America is the type of place where you can spend six months or two years. I am not sure how I will cope without Llamas in my life and I am hoping one day I can have one as a pet as they are the nicest animals and they even look cute when they get older. A llama is not just for Christmas…..! Kids will not get rid of these animals as they become more useful when older and still stay cute, they can mow the lawn, spit at hated neighbours, make great jumpers and dare I say it if you do get tired of them they make a great meal.

One of the main highlights is the complete diversity this continent has to offer; you have enormous mountain ranges sweeping through the country, active volcanoes to Amazonian jungle and desert and sometimes you have all this in just one country, so without any ado below is what you really want to know.

Best Women -

1. Chile
2. Argentina
3. Brazil
4. Colombia
5. Uruguay
6. Paraguay
7. Peru
8. Bolivia

Best Beers

1. Peru
2. Bolivia

Favourite country – Bolivia

Worst country - Chile

Best Food – Argentina

Worst food – Bolivia

Worst meal – Lasagne in Uyunni. It was salt with pasta

Best meal – Trout Coppacabana Bolivia, whoda known trout topped with bacon and cheese would be so good

Best Nightlife – La Paz (Bolivia)

Favourite city – Sucre Bolivia

Favourite activity – Horse ridding in Tupiza Bolivia

Least favourite city – Montevideo Uruguay

Favourite Inca Ruin – Matchu Pittchu

Cheapest hostel - £2 Copacabanna Boliva

Most expensive hostel - £15 Paraty Brazil

Total number of times robbed, harassed or threatened – 0 (1 attempt epic fail)

Least tourism – Paraguay

Friendliest Country – Paraguay

Best looking native girl – Catalina (Arica Chile)

Favourite person I met – Jane

See my best bits at the following link on youtube - copy and paste on your address bar!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DhllitMQCBs


Getting back to my trip to Central America, yes it was a French boat and yes it had French people, there were seven paying customers on the boat two French, One American, me and two Finnish girls then there was the captain his friend, wife and eight month old son. The captain and posse were amazing but the paying French were beyond difficult. Can you imagine a person paying to sail to some of the most beautiful islands in the world crossing some of the roughest seas but not wanting to get wet? Well this was the French girls plan so I was rewarded with the pleasure of seeing her get wet and consequently angry. You may think of me as evil or nasty and I have considered this myself but if you ever travel with French people then you will understand. That said I will try not to mention the French in a bad light again……emphasis on the word ‘try’.

Yes the trip was rough going 30 hours of sailing through day and night before we reached our goal of the San Blas islands but once we were there it was jaw dropingly beautiful. Never before have I seen a desert island more Robinson Crusoe and bear in mind that I have been to Fiji. These Islands made Fiji look like Blackpool Pleasure Beach, some islands were no bigger than ten Asda car parking spaces loaded with palm trees. Snorkelling the treacherous swells around the islands was fun as many of the islands had old sunken ships that have turned into man made coral reefs.

I only had one day in Panama City before I would head off to Costa Rica where again I would only have one night, mainly because these places are not offering me value for money as they are both (especially CR) very Americanised and you can tell this with the prices of basics so I am heading straight for Nicaragua with a one night stopover in San Jose in Costa Rica.

Whilst in the Panama City bus station a man wished Gods praise on me and within sixty seconds he was coming over begging for money saying that he has no where to sleep, no money, same clothes and he hasn’t washed then like a lightening bolt it struck me that I actually look worse than him so I took this opportunity to tell him that:

1. Have a month old beard
2. I have not showered for over five days
3. I have not worn underwear since I can remember my last wash
4. I have not washed my clothes since I can remember
5. I have not slept in a bed for six nights (I included the one on the bus im taking)
6. I have not seen a Llama for months now and
7. My armpits could chloroform a grown man

I gave him $1.

As I am writing this another chap (American) sits next to me who has had all his major possessions stolen from him, I am not sure if this is a ploy to get money from me but he is putting on a good show with phone calls and other little tale tell signs. Actually I think this is real or a bloody elaborate con. I felt very bad for him either way so I gave him $50 and the ability to pay me back so let’s see if the human race is worth saving. So James from Chicago I give you one month from this point to make contact or pay me back as said. If it was a con then I hope he gets what is deserved – Cancer, AIDS, accidental sex change, some disease even Dr House does not know or Jane’s favourite a boil on the bum, actually scratch Jane’s idea. For kindness beyond the call of duty I expect a Euro Lotto win or maybe a massive win in Vegas but nothing less than five and the bonus ball please Mystic Meg.

I do feel pretty good about myself albeit peppered with a slight concern that I have been tricked which if it is the case its going to mean payback!

Still not left the bus station but on the bus waiting to depart I am not safe from people wanting my money, a man comes aboard and starts talking Spanish and then gets his belly out, from my seat at the back near the WC I can not make out what it is until he comes up closer and shows us why he wants money, I would of paid $1 not to be shown that sort of thing especially after my McDonalds meal with McFlurry. Imagine Total Recall and the stomache baby thing crossed between a tumour crossed between someone putting objects under the skin protruding. I did tell him that I had already given out $51 dollars worth of chairity in the last hour but he didn’t believe me and then procided to tell the bus that the gringo didn’t pay.

That was Panama folks

Sail Away

I arrived in Manizales on Australia Day (Invasion day) where the festivities were in full swing however for a long time now I have not been interested in drinking so I took no part in celebrating when James Cook discovered Sydney harbour. Manizales is situated on a hill and to ease the local’s journeys they have one of the most unique types of public transport I have ever seen, they have a cable car making the journey up and down the hill and at only 1400 peso’s its very cheap.
I am getting to the point in my travels where most of the activities/sights associated with a certain place I have done before so when people ask have you not done a coffee tour here? I reply I was on a coffee farm in Vietnam, why do it twice? Manizales has hot springs and is famous for its active volcano that is actually showing seismic activity thus not allowing people to hike it. Again both these activities I have done before in other places.
I left Manizales heading to Medellin which took 6 hours, I felt as fresh as a daisy but some of the other occupants were not so well having consumed too much alcohol celebrating the night before thus requiring frequent stops to allow them to be sick.
My family will be please to know that Medellín was once known as the most violent city in the world, and in 2010 it has the highest increase in violence of Colombia's urban centers. This unenviable title was the result of an urban war set off by the drug cartels at the end of the 1980s. As the home of the Medellín Cartel funded by Pablo Escobar, the city was victim of the terror caused by the war between the organization headed by Escobar, and competing organizations such "El Cartel del Valle". However, after the death of Escobar, the crime rates in the city began to decrease.
I decided to stay at a ‘party hostel’ but soon I was eager to leave after meeting some of the people staying there, many of them having not left the hostel with one guy in particular this guy called Cali from California being there for a month eating, sleeping and drinking there and has not even left the hostel. One nights drinking there was enough for me and as soon as the sun came up the next day I paid my bill and left for a smaller family run hostel. I went around the city where again I was greeted with the usual churches however I ventured into one of the art museums and found a wing with the works of Colombian artist Fernando Botero which were quite amusing. Botero’s art and sculpture features only fat people.
The bus to Santa Marta took 16 hours and when I arrived opening the door of the coach it was like opening an oven. My main reason for coming to Santa Marta was to go on the five day trek of Ciudad Perdida known in English as the Lost City. The trek was a lot harder than the Inca as the path was a lot rougher and there are so many steep uphill battles to negotiate whilst you are in one of the hottest jungles in the world. In my group I had two Americans and they have installed my faith back into the people of that country so only France now to reedmen themselves but imp not holding my breath.
Mike from LA was one of the coolest and humblest guys I have ever met if you want to see him check out on you tube the Kelly Clarkson video ‘Never Again’ where he plays the male lead.
I don’t think the trek is anywhere in the same league as the Inca trek but it was nice to do it and see the lost city. The end city is a lot rawer than M pitchu as the ruins have not been cleaned up but left as they were found so moss and grass are growing out of cracks in the buildings.
One of the most amusing parts of the trek was when Brian the second American decided to vine swing across one of the many river crossings to which he failed in an epic way luckily it was caught all on film edited and posted onto YouTube where you can view it in all its glory
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vc_cTYS-GS4
I met up with Brian and Mike in Cartagena for Super Bowl Sunday where the night was long and fun fuelled. Unfortunately I had to get up at 0800 the next day to go to Playa Blanca but luckily I was still dressed from the night before and packed so it was not too hard. Playa Blanca was nice but only for a night as they do not have electricity or running water so we felt that we didn’t want to stay that long.
I think many people expect too much from their travels. They believe, or at least hope; it will change them in profound ways or provide a magical escape that will solve all upon return. That's a lot of pressure to put on what is essentially just a prolonged holiday and I feel a lot of travellers are jaded in this respect. Character change takes a lot more than 5+ months in South America. Escapes are only temporary. I too had these lofty expectations but now I realise that these journeys are more about the adventure itself and less about you. We chase wealth, fame, and power, but I think all we really need is to chase adventure. Maybe we all just need to get out a little bit more.
Off on a sail boat now to Panama

See you all in Central America!

Colombian Gold Blend

My last few days in Brazil were spent in a colonial village 6 hours (236km) south of Rio called Paraty. Paraty has been inhabited since 1650 during the eighteenth-century Paraty was a staging post for the trade in Brazilian gold, today UNESCO considers the city one of the world’s most important examples of Portuguese colonial architecture. Paraty is known for its churches and of course its beaches, so I relaxed on the beach and hung out with a girl who was a spitting image of Jennifer Garner and a couple of Aussies from Melbourne who were super friendly and invited to me to anything they were doing just what travelling should be. Paraty is a great little town to relax in but other than that there is not much here to offer people looking to party or meet other people. I did have one big night out there where I hung out with some Chileans who actually praised me on my Spanish skills; yes they were a lot more drunk than me.

The travellers going to Paraty this was normally their second stop after they flew into Rio so I was bombarded with the usual questions where you from, where you been and how long are you travelling? Very repetitive!

I flew from the great metropolis Sao Paolo to Bogota. Just like Santiago this city is ringed in by mountains and suffers from every urban ill – poverty, gridlock traffic, crime and choking smog – this overcrowded city of 7.5 million suffers from it all in excess. I personally found it bland and boring and unfortunately I booked three nights thus I had to stay that long, this being 2.5 days too long. If you like churches and museums then this place would be your heaven but personally I have seen enough museums, churches, temples, sunsets and waterfalls to last me a life time.

There are only two road names in Bogota calle and carreras with a numbering system which would be great if they decided to actually put signs on the roads also the map given to me by the hostel was about as useful as Ann Frank’s karaoke machine so I found it very hard navigating. This difficulty I am sure put me in danger but seeing as I am pretty streetwise I was onto them and returned to the street with the police presence. I have found myself at altitude again and after sending my mittens and other winter items home I am cold, only French people at the hostel means I am lonely. Not a great time.

While I have that in your mind I am going to moan about the French, I mean what is the point in them actually travelling as they gravitate towards other French people for example chat to one on their own and they will respond but soon as they meet other French people they get a massive errection then never speak to you or just speak French even if you can not understand They are certainly upholding the reputation of being very rude. Another example is in my dorm in Bogota two French girls arrived and never said hello to me but continued to welcome non-British travellers, so I left something on the communal computer that my friend Fergal told me – ‘Going to war without France is like going deer hunting with out your accordion.’

I want to note that Mel who I spent time with in Brazil did not have any of the above characteristics.

I have found the Colombians in Bogota annoy me as when I try and communicate in Spanish I get laughed at which I can deal with even though I know I am saying the phrase right but what I cannot take is them laughing at me when I don’t understand their English which by the way was inaudible and considering I have travelled with Geordies makes it even worse. That day I spoke no more Spanish which was a breath of fresh air.

I am going to moan again, travelling on your own you rely on people to accept you into their groups and generally they do but then you meet a couple of stuck up wankers who just do not bother. I could tell instantly that the aforementioned were from Sydney guitar and surfboard in tow but it was painful to actually watch them when I spoke to them their faces retorted in the look of ‘do we have to actually speak to him’. On the other hand you meet people from Melbourne they are the complete opposite, I cant comment on travellers from Perth as they never seem to go abroad just WA and people from Darwin probably spend all their money on booze.

As soon as I could I left Bogota for Salento which took eleven hours on a bus with air conditioning but no windows which would have been ok if the AC was stronger than coma victim.

Salento is in the heart of coffee country, this quaint hamlet is one of the regions earliest settlements and its slow development has barley altered the oringianl lifestyle or buildings. Here I embarked on some more trekking and ventured into the high Colombian jungles where I maybe should not have been so eager to complete the 18k loop and instead do the smaller but pride got the better of me and I found myself coming down and my legs seizing up making it very difficult and the last five hundred meters were as if I were an old age pensioner. The trip commenced in Corora which contains a thick forest of wax palm, Colombia’s national plant that can grow up to sixty meters high. The altitude ranges from 2000m to 3170m and according to the guide books this cloud forest is home to the puma, spectacled bear, deer and toucans but do you ever see these animals? No. Trekking through I felt like Indiana Jones having to cross no less than 9 rickety wooden bridges that cross the Rio Quindio.

Alas I am on the bus again to another place, moving more than a gypsy.

No pics sorry.....

Rio de Dinhero

way to get to Florianopolis from Uruguay was sold out so it was stay in Montevideo for five more days, visit the over priced beach resorts or wing it. Obviously I decided to wing it and thus booked a ticket to Rio Branco in Uruguay (not the easiest boarder crossing). Just booking this ticket enlightened me to how much I relied on Jane, Tim or Feargal (when he is not drunk) for their superior Spanish skills, people engage in conversation with me and I just look at whichever one of the three was closest to me, normally Jane. It must be said though that Jane was better at looking like she could speak/understand Spanish than her actual Spanish, when in the middle of the conversation saying ‘si’ and nodding enthusiastically to everything however after the answer was given asking what they said I would get a laugh then an “I’m not sure”.

It was when I was on the bus to Rio Branco that I felt this urge that I should have made more of the goodbyes with the three mentioned above I think at the time I didn’t quite realise the full gravity of this goodbye as myself Tim and Feargal have said a few goodbyes before whilst one of us goes off earlier than the others so it seemed like I would see them again but in reality I wont. Jane is going south through Argentina then round the world to where I have been, Tim is doing much of the same route as me but may have delusions of grandeur regarding his ambitions with the money he has so he may be a month behind me and Feargal is becoming so poor I feel prostitution is the only hope for the boy but with his next stop being Sydney Kings Cross is surely in his sights. Already I am missing the camaraderie and banter that goes with travelling with the same people for so long. Jane’s influence on me was quite calming with her smile bringing me much relief from what ever I was stressing about, Feargal tried to install some culture into me and Tim made me laugh. Now as I sit in a bus station in a very small Brazilian town drinking a Skol beer I know these people would not be able to help me as they are about as good with Portuguese as I am with Spanish. People that say Spanish and Portuguese are similar are either on crack or as dumb as they come because it is extremely different. I was extremely tempted to change my plans something I told myself I would never do but if it was any other country I would have but I could not miss Rio and I would have had to say goodbye at some other time. I believe I would have regretted either choice stay with Jane and I would always wish I went to Rio, go to Rio I will always wish I went south. One thing that does feel extremely strange is having my laptop all to myself, over the last few months it became more a time share option rather than my own item.

After fretting that the bus I was on had already gone past Rio Branco I came to a decision that I no longer cared, I would adapt and go with it, of course I have the money too but it wouldn’t have been ideal especially as now for the first time in over three months I have a time line to work to.

Once I arrived in Rio Branco four hours over my estimated time I again faced the language barrier or communication wall and I mean this wall is twenty foot tall surrounded by barbed wire and topped with the glass shards stuck in the mortar, I cant get over this thing but with a cheeky smile and happy attitude I somehow get a taxi who then takes me across the boarder and takes me to this hidden away immigration building that no normal human being could ever been able to discover where again the taxi driver helped me to get my passport stamped with a Brazilian entry tag unfortunately I don’t have my Uruguayan exit stamp but according to my passport I am still in Paraguay anyway probably on their most wanted list along with Jane!

The smoothness didn’t continue with again their being no buses to Florianopolis but luckily they had a bus that night to Porte Allegra, I just had to sit for five hours in probably the most boring bus station ever created by man.

Once I got to Porte Allegra I was awoken by the bus driver, dribble hanging from my lip and with necklace of saliva all over my top, I then proceeded to another bus station where I picked up the next available bus to Florianopolis which again took longer than the guide books guide and guess where I ended up…..another bus station. So far throughout South America kids and babies have been amazing on buses hearing no peep from them but soon as I got to Brazil its kids crying on all the buses.

I was not overly impressed by Fpolis it was pretty in a Thailand come Laos kind of way with surfing but I had the travelling blues so I was not in the mood to do much apart from walk around and laze on the beach. I would much prefer to get to Rio where the party would begin. The route to Rio was quite spectacular the way was paved with muddy rivers and thick jungle and slowly I have started to like this country. It’s always a shame when you are travelling on a bus and the scenery is amazing because you can’t take photos.

Rio is one of the best cities in the world instantly recognisable with Christo Rendentor looking down upon the city and Pao de Aszucar (Sugar Loaf Mountain) looming in the background and once I arrived via the eighteen hour bus ride my spirits were lifted by these sights.

I was thrown in the deep end having organised a place to stay via couch surfing I was thrust upon Ipenema beach with all of Rosanna’s friends where I tried to compete with the famous Brazilian vanity, where board shorts are the rage in Australia less is more on the beach in Brazil so women sport bikinis seemingly made from dental floss and the men wear white Speedos so to accentuate their tan. From the beach we ventured to the party where again like in Argentina the cogs start to move late at night, the club was impressive although we had to queue for thirty minutes but in any other country this would be a hassle in Rio this was a party itself with vendors selling beer along the line and the music from the club being pumped out onto the line much like the Will Ferrell film ‘One night at the Roxbury’.

Fun factoid: Rio De Janerio means river of January, when first discovered they thought they were on a river not the Atlantic Ocean and it was in Jan.

After getting in around sunrise we still had plans as it is the start of Carnival season in Rio, the actual carnival is always one week before lent but the Brazilians cannot just have one day of partying so they have a month leading up to the big day where there are street parties ‘pre carnival’ so we took leave and again entered the party spirit where thousands of people lined the streets and sang and danced to samba music. We moved from street to street where we ended up in Lapa district where one hundred people were gathered around the flying orchestra, in the middle were the musicians with trombones, trumpets and drums and with the music we would run around them or lie on the floor or jump in the air depending on the beat. The running around was the best part as you could see people losing their sandals in the mêlée probably never to be found again. If you have never partied in Rio with locals then I’m sorry but you have never partied, this place is immense.

The Favelas are much a part of Rio as Christo and as I look at the settlements usually located on hilltops it has a strange beauty about it with the buildings built from red brick with only a handful rendered and with most having holes in walls as doors/windows and some not having the full four walls. One of my highlights is an artist in the favelas who twenty years ago decided to start tiling one of the staircases, now people send tiles from all over the world to support this piece of art which has also appeared in the film ‘The Hulk’ and the music video ‘Beautiful’ by Snoop Dogg.

I have found that I am addicted to Acai (a-si-e) which is a dark purple grape like fruit that grows in the Amazon where they freeze it and make it into an ice cold moose come slush puppy but better. I cannot get enough of the stuff and when the heat has been hitting 42+ it is a welcome treat. On every street corner there are local juice bars that sell these drinks along with many other strange drinks that are all really tasty, im finding that I am eating less but drinking more.

The warmth I was shown by all the locals that I met through my couch surfing experience is now the bench mark that every other country must aspire to.












The Brazilian adventure didn’t start off too smoothly as the most convenient

The Muppets Take Montevideo

So I probably say this every couple of months but this time I do mean it when I say this has been the hardest goodbye yet, having convinced Jane to bypass Salta and venture to Paraguay was easy but my boyish charms have not been successful in persuading her to samba in Rio with me so for the first time in three months I am going to be all alone with no Spanish. When you spend a considerable time travelling with someone you get to know them extremely well so six weeks with Jane I got to see the good side and the bad side. Of course I will miss travelling with her but will I miss having to repeat everything I say three times (she is 32 so her hearing is shot) or even after going to the same bank three times having to give her direction sagain I probably will. Don’t worry though I will be checking up on Jane every now and then making sure she is not being silly like buying ice skates in South America! As with all the peole I have met you never can tell if you will see them on your travels again or when you get home but with this one I am hoping I will. Jane you are a great girl and I had a cracking time with you and I know you will read this and I can safely predict you are either hungry, tired or want a beer maybe all three! Keep safe.

Also another goodbye to Tim who I have also seen in five countries but this is more likely I will see him again somewhere along the gringo trail.

Jane, Tim and
I got the ferry from Buenos Aires to Colonia in Uruguay as this is the quickest way most convenient way plus due to the political discord between the countries they have no buses but if you ask any traveller they will always prefer a different mode of transport to buses.

Colonia was originally a seventeenth-century Portuguese smuggling port designed to disrupt the Spanish base of Buenos Aires across the Rio de la Plata. Colonia del Sacramento is a beautiful picturesque town with quaint cobbled streets lined with pastel coloured houses draped with foliage of all different colours. There is a massive café culture here which pleased the coffee hound Jane. Parts of this town resembled other places like a four story block of flats looking exactly like the type that litter my home town of Sidcup to old style pubs on leafy streets that could easily have been Holland Park (London) to a small port with an old BMW motorcycle and 1970’s citroen making that part look like Paris. Tourists scoot around town in all manor of rentable vehicles ranging from bicycles to golf buggies, naturally we opted for the golf buggy where we raced around town down to the beaches not quite knowing if we could take it on the proper roads. Janes drving did induce high blood pressure combined with an intense feeling that I didn’t want to die young especially when she produced a three point turn with a four meter drop with me hanging on the back of the buggy alas we did survive only because I had to shout stop (three times).

Two days in Colonia then we bused our way to Montevideo in time for new years where we got involved with the most random fiesta I have ever encountered. During the daytime we followed the collections of people walking from the main square down to the old quarter and on the way we were walking between tall residential buildings which was essentially the ‘kill zone’ as the residents would hurl water on all the passer bys, kids (infantry) were placed on the ground with buckets, water pistols or water bombs to catch the people hiding under canopies, then you have the adults walking drinking litre bottles of cider randomly spraying people mix this with the sun and you start to smell pretty rotten. It was great fun spraying peole and getting wet although at one point I took it a little too far with this little kid getting me once on the way down and on the way back he went for me again but this time I was armed with a full bottle of cider to which I didn’t hesitate in giving him a point blank full facial shot of cider to the face, unfortunately his elders had not taught him well and he breathed in through his nose and got cider froth up there……he cried, but as I said to Tim he was playing with the big boys. Everyone got involved from a women with one leg in a wheelchair to elderly people.
Montevideo has been the first place where I have not felt safe on all my travels and fair people have warned us that it was not a safe place for gringos to be walking around and even at the street party we were told that we were not entirely safe.

A special thanks goes out to the piece of shit probably currently in my dorm who has stolen my money belt today...........I hope you die in some freak accident where you feel immense pain for hours. All the best!

You've Got To Pick A Pocket Or Two

After journeying through Brazil illegally we passed checkpoint after checkpoint and finally arrived in Argentina at Puerto De Iguaçu where we got to see the outstanding falls again but from the Argentinean side this time. The main difference is the amount you can see you are up more close and personal this side of things where as from Brazil you get a more overall perspective of the sheer size of it all and you can also see quite a few individual falls. This is not a place to come if you do not want to get wet because going to the devils throat simply drenches you. From this point you get quite a good idea of the amount and power of the water coming off these waterfalls. Due to the power you could not see the bottom as it kicked up masses of spray so you could only see a quarter of the height.

‘When in Rome…..do as the Romans do’ so the first meal in Argentina had to be their famous steak and believe me when I tell you that it is the best meat that you will ever taste compliment this with another famous aspect wine and you are well on your way to becoming an Argentinean. Steak is also very cheap in the supermarkets with two succulent sirloins costing only two pounds, the same goes for the wine with a cheap bottle of their wine costing about the same but in the UK this would go for ten times that amount…..we were in Jane’s heaven.

We got a bus from Puerto De Iguaçu which was complete luxury where we were even served Champagne on the bus, Jane prior to this commented how she didn’t like Champagne but as soon as the waiter came over asking if we wanted any naughty sauce I have never seen anyone shout YES so quickly. So you don’t really like it eh Jane?

I got the dates wrong when I got to Buenos Aires and this is because when I organised my couch surfing the emails were sent just after midnight meaning that the date on my watch clicked over creating us a day out of sync. So not to worry Xmas in BA shouldn’t be too busy. I was wrong, it took 4 hours of walking around with our heavy backpacks navigating buses, aggressive drunks and fatigue to finally find a place for one night and once we got settled a beer was deserved.

The next day we ventured into Recoletta one of the districts in BA to spend three nights at our host Ornella. Ornella was very helpful and an amazing host cooking us dinner and taking us to parties. While we are on the subject of drinking and going out apart from that Jane is a bad influence on me in Argentina it is completely different to back home for instance back home on a Saturday night you would go out around seven and come back maybe at twelve but in Buenos Aires you don’t eat dinner till ten and then head to a club at three in the morning.

Pick pockets are very common in BA with most people wearing their backpacks on their front so with this I was extra cautious and this paid off. Whilst on a packed tube on the way to some tourist sight during rush hour I had a short fat man try and dip into my pocket unlucky for him I was too clever holding my wallet but I could feel him lifting my ripped and battered map from my pocket with it inching ever so slowly further and further from my pocket, I confronted him with a glare and some over the top words which he probably didn’t understand, I did want to smack him one but resisted to try and find some police but alas there was no presence in the subte! After this I had a whole mixture of feelings ranging from anger to feeling that I had won and beaten the skilled con artist!

There is a money shortage in Buenos Aires meaning that people hoard coins so that they can use the public transport as the buses do not accept notes, this can cause a major pain as no shop or person wants to give you the coins. With this coin shortage it probably wasn’t the best of ideas to play as much pool as we did where we had a running game with Jane winning 20 to 7 but before you judge this score thinking that I have been given the beating of my life if it was the best of 10 I would of won and I seriously believe there is cheating evolved with rules being made up as and when it suited Jane best…..writing this on a bus and Jane comments that ‘this statement is a load of rubbish’ so I have put her side in and I will let you all decide.

We had Christmas in Buenos Aires where we went to a party organised on the internet in a park in the district of Palermo, it was different and fun, getting home was an event having to walk in excess of 40 blocks! Christmas day we made beef stew where we cooked for 10 people in the hostel.

You can not talk about Argentina without talking about the quality of the women, never before have I seen so many good looking women who right there and then I would take back home in one place it goes to show what good food and good weather can do. The weather in this city was around the 30-40 regions but felt a lot hotter with the humidity and the lack of air running through our hostel.

Some of the highlights that we had seen in the two weeks in this hot and busy city were:

Caminito – this is a street in the rough and poor district of La Boca where all the houses are coloured, this attracts many tourtists thus there is a wealth of cafes and restaurants all with tango shows and lessons.

La Tiempo Bumba – this is a lot like ‘Stomp’ in the west end it’s basically a drum show every Monday night.

Metal flower – this metallic flower opens and closes with the sun rise and set.

Recoletta Cemetery – this cemetery is not like your ordinary run of the mill this is full or ornate mausoleums containing some of Argentina’s premier elite such as the famous Eva Peron.

So there you have it my time in Argentina has come to an end and with that my time with Feargal. The next stop is Uruguay where again I will be saying goodbye to some more people.

Travelling Takes Its Toll Charge

The first thing that I noticed when I arrived in Asuncion was the kindness and friendliness of the people, the cab drivers would handle our bags even after our attempts to sway them not to and they would open the doors for the lady in the group which was a considerable change from the rudeness of Santa Cruz. Asuncion was once the historic centre of government for the Spanish colonies of Rio De La Plata but declined in importance with the founding of Buenos Aires. The city is laid out in the familiar grid system which is a leftover from the days of the paranoid despot Dr Francia who, convinced of plots to kill him declared that buildings has to be short enough to see if any would be assassins were on the roof tops whilst riding his horse and with this the destruction of any colonial building that didn’t fit this mandate. Asuncion is peppered with some very interesting buildings but like a lot of this capital its upkeep has been limited at best with much of the pavement crumbling away but despite this instantly we could see we were in a more developed country than the last few, just simple things like car show rooms and supermarkets make that little difference. One thing that I have got to like is sachets of powdered flavour that you add to your water to give it the desired fruit taste, they sell these in all manor of fruit combinations.

Our hostel room was one of the worst I have been in, it was very very dirty and due to the style of the beds being boxed in with timber lifting up the mattress was like looking at the insect enclosure at London Zoo so only one night was needed at this place for Jane and I, Feargal on the other hand had a cleaner room and chose to stay whilst we changed just one block away to a slightly more clean abode.

There is not an awful lot to see in this capital city so we wandered around the Plaza de los Heroes a lively and vibrant place with many a market trader trying to sell all manner of hand-made goods. We also visited the waterfront and Plaza de la Independencia and the palace which was the most well kept part of the city. Still throughout this city we were always greeted with smiles and when we were lost or required some assistance people were more than willing to help us and I think this is because Paraguay for some reason is not really on the ‘gringo trail’ its much less touristic than all the other countries in the continent.

On our last night Feargal got robbed again with his first time being in Costa Rica (knife point) with the attacker actually being paid off with $2 which was actually haggled down but this time the scoundrel when presenting his knife to Ferg got a surprise when Feargal bolted like his disobedient horse in Tupiza with his assailant only grabbing his headphones and ripping them from the iPod so all in all he has only lost circa $10. I mentioned to Feargal that on his third time his hat trick he might be able to keep the knife or some sort of memento.

My new travel partner and I left Feargal in Asuncion and we headed on the bus to Ciudad Del Este. This place was a shock to the system with it being a hustling bustling place with many currencies changing hand due to its location bordering two other countries and being a Mecca for duty free electrical items. Folk from Argentina and Brazil flock to this place to purchase all manner of items with duvets and blankets strangley being the main items people were lumbering across the border, I say strange because this place was sweltering hot so what they need a 15 tog duvet in plus thirty degree heat beats me.

Jane wanted an iPod touch so we waited for this place to start our search. It didn’t take long for hoards to approach us telling us they had the cheapest electrical goods and once in the shop the game begins trying to haggle the price down but if this is the cheapest place in SA I don’t want to see the most expensive as we were quoted on an 8 gigabyte iPod $270 which in all cases is more expensive than England which I informed him then this guy got really irate and told me to get the fu*k back to England then. The only stall I was vaguely interested in was the weapons stall with asps, knifes, tasers, batons and knuckle dusters but due to the increased airport security I decided against this, thanks a bunch Bin Ladin. Saying this America is now renowned for its over the top airport security but Jane got through Heathrow and Miami airport with a knife in her hand luggage but my pot of hair gel over 100ml has to be confiscated and destroyed.

Sited 20km north of the city is one of the 7 modern wonders of the world the Itaipu Hydroelectric Project which now thanks to the ………… in China is the second biggest in the world, this dam is part owned by Paraguay and Brazil with construction taking some twenty years. This behemoth can generate 75,000GWh worth of energy per year which provides 20% of Brazil’s energy and 80% of Paraguay’s. We drove onto the dam but due to the torrential rain and lighting it was too dangerous to leave the tour bus. On the upside it was all free.

Another reason people come to Cidudad Del Este is its location to Argentina and Brazil especially in relation to Iguaçu Falls. Before I talk about our action packed day visiting three countries I will tell you why the falls are so special.

The falls are formed by the Rio Iguaçu which has its source near Curitiba. Starting at an altitude if 1,300m, the river snakes westward, picking up tributaries and increasing in size and power fuming its 1200km journey. About 15km before joining the Rio Parana the Iguaçu broadens out, then plunges over an 80 meter high cliff in 275 separate falls that extend nearly 3km across the river. These falls can be seen from both sides, the Argentinean and the Brazilian.

From Ciudad we popped over the Friendship bridge bypassing what could have been a 4 hour queue and once we hit the front put on our ‘Gringo Stupido’* faces and they stamped our passports and let us into Brazil. From here we struggled to find somewhere to change up money into their currency (Real) so we could get the bus another problem was that they no longer spoke Spanish instead it was Portuguese, I say a problem but Spanish has been a problem for me so in all reality its been the same problem continent wide. Once we ironed out all the problems we got to the falls and from this side you get a better overall view that allows you to appreciate the scale of the falls. I was in awe of how powerful and beautiful the falls were even though I was quite stressed throughout this day generally due to Jane’s relaxed approach to travelling but this is fuelled more by the fact that I can not speak to the locals and ask questions so I always have to get Jane to ask. One stressful incident does stand out where we were queuing to take a photo but this Spanish idiot pushes in front to which I push back in front but lose out on prime position on the platform but instead have his friend telling me in Spanish to move out the way of the photo to which I blurt out famous English gestures at him but with us both having limited skills of the others language I could not tell him what I really thought of him.

Paraguay – Brazil – Paraguay – Brazil (illegally) – Argentina. The following was our route into Argentina and technically according to my passport I have not left Paraguay. This is because I did not get the exit stamp and I didn’t get an entry or exit the second time I ventured into Brazil and this is because we were on the last bus and figured the bus driver would not wait for such trivial things as immigration so essentially we were illegal immigrants in Brazil, if it had been England we would have been given a council house, benefits and work the instant we crossed the border illegally.

I am now in Argentina the worlds most meat loving country in the world travelling with a vegetarian. Not much really to forewarn you about here apart from seeing the falls from this side and spending the Christmas period in Buenos Aires.